09 Jun I Am For You
This might be one of those posts that I shouldn’t have hit publish on, yet I think it’s a topic that needs to be addressed. If I am really honest, I am often discouraged with how many people let jealousy, bitterness and the success of others stand between them and another person. It’s not uncommon to see people attack others and put others down. Unfortunately with social media shaming seems to come up quite often. I will never forget one of my friends saying, “you know mom wars are real.” But, I don’t think the “wars” between people happen just between moms, because I have seen it in my own life too. Those who used to be the closest to me have since turned. Those who I hoped would support my blog or book or ministry or social media, don’t.
Why is there so much shaming going on? It seems that people think that their ways is the best and if people choose to go about life a different way, then they are not good enough or they are doing things all wrong. Can I just say I disagree? I’m so thankful that each individual is created with a different purpose. Can you imagine what this world would be like if we all thought the same thoughts? Or did the same things?
Often people ask how I can celebrate the pregnancies of friends around me and my question is how could I not celebrate those pregnancies? I am for the things that God is for. Shouldn’t we be happy for those around us that are blessed? Shouldn’t we celebrate the success of others? Shouldn’t we be excited to see people reach their goals, receive their long-awaited miracle or receive extra doses of favor from the Lord?
However, it doesn’t seem to happen enough. Instead of getting excited, so many get jealous. Trust me, I have been there too. But I am making a public declaration, even when the enemy tempts me to seek jealousy over unity or hate over love, that I am cheering you on and I am for you.
To the woman who is whining because she has 4 kids who are too close in age, I am for you. To the woman who didn’t even want any kids but has 4, I am for you too.
To the woman who chooses to deliver at a birthing center, nurse her babies, use cloth diapers and home school I am for you. To the woman who delievers at a hospital, uses formula, disposable diapers and sends her children to public school I am for you too.
To the woman who works in the corporate world, I am for you. To the woman who works for a multi-level marketing company, I am for you too.
To the woman who is pregnant, I am for you. To the woman who has already completed her family, I am for you too.
To the woman who has done everything to be as organic and crunchy as possible, I am for you. To the woman who eats fast food every meal and cleans with chemicals, I am for you too.
To the woman who chooses to do IVF, I am for you. To the woman who chooses a natural path, adoption or surrogacy, I am for you too.
To the woman who wrote a book and sold millions of copies within the first few weeks, I am for you. To the woman whose blog is a million times more successful than mine, I am for you too.
To the woman who is wiser, stronger, healthier, richer, smarter, skinnier, prettier and more successful, I am for you too!
So the point of this post is to say I am for you. I might not agree with every decision you make, but I want to cheer you on. Let me remind you that as believers we are all on the same team. That means no matter what stage of life you are in, how many blog subscribers you have, how many medals you have hanging in your house, what you do for work, how many luxurious vacations you take a year, what lifestyle you choose to live or not live, I am for you. Whoever you are and wherever you are, I want to celebrate your wins. The last thing I ever want is for shaming, jealousy, bitterness or any thing else that is not from the Lord to come between me and someone else. So if it has before, I apologize and I repent, but moving forward I got nothing but love for you. I want to believe and dream with you. I want to pray and expect with you. And I want to celebrate every one of your wins too, because I am for you!
PS. Are you looking for support on your fertility journey? Did you see the announcement I made?
PPS. Have you picked up a copy of my book? Buy In Due Time, a 60-day devotional for hope + encouragement in the waiting.
PPPS. I created a group on facebook as an extension of my book + blog to discuss anything + everything. Women only! Come join us!
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Jennifer Weitz
Posted at 09:23h, 09 JuneI have too often let jealousy and bitterness thwart my ability to love and encourage others. I think some of this is the maturity of time that comes with taking my jealous feelings to God. My favorite line: “I might not agree with every decision you make, but I want to cheer you on.” We might not agree with people all the time or support every decision, In fact, cheering someone on does (sometimes) include letting people know that you disagree with them, but that can’t be made from a position of jealousy or bitterness, otherwise you’re letting your own sin get in the way of loving and supporting someone. Great post Caroline!
Cristina Canut
Posted at 09:40h, 09 JuneThank you! This was needed today! Can’t wait to start reading my book!
Lauren
Posted at 10:03h, 09 JuneThere are different levels to those feelings… I hung onto bitterness at one girl for about 10 years and was finally able to let it go a few years ago. Other times, it’s little moments that build your negativity toward another person into a mounting, solidified judgment. Sometimes it’s that griping in your mind, feeling that every person is doing everything wrong. Either way, I think the breakthrough for me has been and continues to be a cross between a few things – praying and taking that emotion to the Lord, facing that emotion honestly (asking myself why I’m feeling it, writing a letter or email I will never send to get it out of my system in a safe way, etc.), and a daily re-training of my neural pathways. If I notice my mind thinking judgmentally toward another person, I have to ask myself internally, “Is that person hurting me, herself, or anyone else right now? Is her choice something I just personally dislike or don’t prefer?” and then redirect it – “Lord, help me remember she’s yours. You love her just as much as you do me, and her success or her clothing choices or her [fill in the blank] does nothing to threaten my existence or your love for me.”
The loss of jealousy and bitterness and self-comparison lies, I think, in our own self-love and God-love. Not in a superficial, overused way, but in a real understanding, rooted in Scripture, that God loves me and is for me! Only then can I love myself enough to love others well…
I might need to stop writing my own blog post in your comments. Haha! I’ll do some blog or book musing on this soon. Great way to further this conversation, Caroline!! ❤️ I am for you.
Carissa Maul
Posted at 10:09h, 09 JuneThank you for sharing this today Caroline! I am FOR YOU! And I appreciate that you are FOR ME too! But above all else, HE is for us, the little sinners that we are, the jealous and bitter and even the hateful ones engulfed in any of the wars (mommy, TTC, life choices). I really loved this blog post and I am glad you shared it today.
Rebecca Jo
Posted at 10:16h, 09 JunePREACHHHHH… I dont get how people are so judgmental & accusatory or shaming of others. It hurts my heart. God put us all here to cheer each other one – support one another… we all make different choices, life hands us all different paths… we need to root one another one till we all hit that finish line!
Amie P
Posted at 10:32h, 09 JuneThis is so wonderful!!! If we were all just good to each other this world would be so much better!!
Meredith Hodge // It's Positive!
Posted at 10:52h, 09 JuneDROP THE MIC!
Amanda
Posted at 10:53h, 09 JuneI think a lot of the reasons people “shame” someone else is because they feel insecure about their own choices and just want to be defensive and put someone else down. It’s really sad! You are a light for Jesus and do a great job showing love to others, Caroline!
Amber Wade
Posted at 11:28h, 09 JuneLove this so much!!
After struggling with infertility for the past couple of years and trying to overcome the loss of our baby this past February, I too have found myself feeling that pang of jealousy a time or two. Outside of God’s incredible love and guidance, something that has truly helped keep my jealousy in check is the fact that my dearest and very best friend had her baby girl a month ago today. I never wanted my insecurities, moments of anger and hurt, or times of self-pity to come between us simply because I am in my time of waiting. I have celebrated her and her beautiful baby girl each and every day because they are both a gift from God and I cannot wait for the moment we can celebrate my little miracle baby together.
I have always felt that choosing to be happy is always the harder choice. It is so much easier to be overcome with anger, bitterness, jealousy and resentment but that is not what God wants for us. Satan is everywhere and is constantly trying to make his way into our hearts and we cannot let him!
Thank you so much for everything you do to help us remain hopeful in our time of waiting! Your blog and your devotional has helped me focus on becoming closer to God and He has filled me with hope and faith (even if it is as small as a mustard seed at times) that we will be blessed with a beautiful baby once again.
Belinda
Posted at 11:31h, 09 JuneI love this post. You’re on a roll girl 🙂
Thank you for leading by example for us to be more Jesus-like in our responses to others. He was certainly for EVERYONE.
Love you!
Kelli {A Deeper Joy}
Posted at 13:41h, 09 JuneSuch great words, Caroline! I wish I could say that I never get jealous, but it wouldn’t be true. I am working on it and constantly asking the Lord for help with that. Certain “times of the month” I’m more jealous than others :-p But this is such a good reminder that I need to always have a good attitude and be happy for other people’s successes!
Cheryl
Posted at 19:48h, 09 JuneTo be honest, this is why I hate facebook so much…it is so full of self-promotion, which spawns comparison games and jealousy and discontent over how other people’s lives are so much better than yours. Jesus was the least self-promoting person who ever walked. He never flaunted who He was or ever tried to make anyone feel less than, even though everyone WAS and IS less than Him. He is Lord of lords. I am SO thankful He loves each of His children, and He laid down His life for all of us. That is the great equalizer. I refuse to get caught up in the social media frenzy and avoid it all so that I can keep my sights focused on Him and my family and what matters most! I am sorry for the ones who have hurt you, sweet friend. There are many who love you and are for you, including me. Sending hugs!
Scott LaPierre
Posted at 09:03h, 10 JuneHi Caroline,
In another post you discussed those who didn’t support your book, so you seem frustrated with those people. How do you distinguish between frustration toward people and bitterness?
Tara
Posted at 10:48h, 10 JuneWhat a great heart you have. I love how you said, “I am for the things God is for.” That is a perfect explanation. Keep fighting the jealousy! Praying you have your celebration soon!
torthuil
Posted at 15:26h, 10 JuneAs a commenter above already wrote, drop the mic!
It’s sad when people let petty things come between them. I am for you too!
Gwen
Posted at 22:42h, 10 JunePosts like this are beneficial. It is a way to feel affirmed but also to hold me accountable. Yes I do not like to be bashed. But what do I do when I am? We are not talking about nonChristian bashing. The Lord said to expect that. I’m speaking of our Sisters in Christ. I’m checking myself. Do I gripe? Tell a bunch of people so I get built up again??? How to counter attack??? Fight evil with good. But also by dusting off the dirt from my shoes and leaving. In other words, block them! It’s best to be kind but it is not right to allow others to take control of what is not theirs to control!! So I must lead by as you say. Publicly show Christ’s love. Do not enter in to arguments or bashing back at a basher. Do not let them influence me for bad–be filled with godly women’s biblical speech. Isn’t it pleasant?!! No. Do not let anyone put you down. You have a ministry. You have a job. You have a heart’s desire for many things for your life. Hold fast to God’s promises. Do not let evil win. And thank you for encouraging me this day when I was feeling down on myself. There does come a time when a thick skin has to develop–especially you who is in the public eye. Keep pressing on to win the Good race. ?✝️ And I too will keep reading posts as these and glance at mean ones!!
Laura
Posted at 22:54h, 10 JuneYes, yes, yes, to all of this. THank you.
delayedbutnotdeniedblog
Posted at 16:39h, 11 JuneI think it’s OK to have feelings. As long as we don’t sin and act on those feelings, it’s OK.
We all process our fertility struggles and the success of others’ fertility differently. I think it’s OK to emotionally protect ourselves from triggers like baby showers or to be distant from fertile friends for a season or two or three. Although I’ve gotten a lot better, I do get triggered and upset, but I do so behind closed doors and I don’t sin. I think it’s OK to be hurt by other people’s pregnancies. It’s a part of our human condition. I also think God understands our unique pain because it’s referenced in the bible several times.
You must be much more stronger than me.
Elle sees
Posted at 07:19h, 12 JuneI’ve been jealous, I admit. Just the other day, my brother’s gf was complaining on FB about how she never has any time alone and is stuck in the house with all of the kids…all of the kids she didn’t want to have. I was floored. I don’t have any kids and she has no idea how lucky she is. I get her frustration, but for a sec there I was jealous. It’s normal, it’s happens, but I’d never not support someone. I wonder does jealousy exist in the male world like it does for us?
Erin
Posted at 10:52h, 12 JuneThis was hard for me Ménière’s ago. I remember desperately trying to get pregnant and everyone around me getting pregnant but me. It was very frustrating but I could never imagine not being happy for a life – a brand-new life! To go kind of on a side road, though, I’m always disappointed at Christian women not supporting one another in their endeavors. I have many friends Who are in the ministry that I support and it’s almost as if they’re terrified that if they support someone else and ministry, whether it be on social media or what have you, that they are somehow giving away some of what they have built for themselves. I don’t understand that mentality. If we are all supporting each other then how can we not all succeed?
Andrea
Posted at 12:46h, 12 JuneThank you – I think I really needed to see this post today – and to be encouraged
Amy Christensen
Posted at 12:59h, 12 JuneCaroline, thank you for this post. I needed to hear this type of encouragement. Sometimes I just get discouraged, not so much jealous, that I want what others want, but that I’m struggling and wondering if the struggle is worth it. But as, you pointed out, I can actually have a good attitude towards those who are more successful or have what I don;t because we are all in this together. And our God has the whole big picture figured out! Thank you so much! I just really needed to hear that! – Amy
http://stylingrannymama.com/
Heather Zechman
Posted at 21:25h, 12 JuneYes, yes, yes!! What a wonderful reminder that we should all be for each other. God loves all of his children and we are essentially all brothers and sisters. Wouldn’t we be happy for any success or joy in our siblings lives? How is a stranger or friend any different in the eyes of a believer? Positive message you’re sending out!
Jennifer DeFrates/Heaven not Harvard
Posted at 23:30h, 12 JuneA book I just read about body image (Compared to Who?) really made me realize how much comparison robs us of joy and relationship. We all need to remember that people are more important than any idea we have.
Aleida Lane
Posted at 16:36h, 13 JuneSo good. Reminds me of Galatians 6:4-5 Don’t compare yourself with others. Just look at your own work to see if you have done anything to be proud of. 5 You must each accept the responsibilities that are yours.
Kristi
Posted at 21:28h, 13 JuneIt is so important to cheer each other on and give plenty of grace instead of jealousy on our journey.
Rhonda G
Posted at 16:30h, 08 SeptemberThis reminds me of one of my favourite verses: “This I know, that God is for me.” (Psalm 56:9)