I Don’t Need a Baby
I can still remember back to 2012, when we were in the beginning stages of our infertility journey. I remember the days of being miserable and being ruled by my feelings. I remember living month to month and often feeling desperate.
I tried everything to get a baby. We changed our diet and incorporated essential oils. We visited acupuncturists and turned to Google to help us. We did everything we could to get a baby.
My desire of motherhood was so strong that it turned into a need. And when the need went unmet, I was overcome with hopelessness and desperation.
That is until August of 2013, when everything shifted. I was at a fork in the road. I was met with the realization that I could continue to try to ease the pain and fill the void in my heart by desperately trying to get a baby in my belly, or I could surrender.
I chose to surrender. And everything changed.
I had no idea at the time how much that decision would change the trajectory of my life.
It was my turning point.
It wasn’t just that I surrendered. It was that I realized that the only thing I really needed was Jesus. And that any other desires in life, including a baby, would never truly satisfy me.
Which is why I can say with great confidence that I don’t need a baby.
I want a baby, but I certainly don’t need a baby.
There is this idea that if we can just get what we want, then all of our problems will be solved. If the barren woman could just get pregnant, or if the single lady could just find a spouse. Before we know it the want quickly turns into a need and when the need goes unmet, life is met with hopelessness and exhaustion. At least this rang true for me.
Or what about being so focused with what we want we fail to realize when we get what we want, like a a spouse or baby, it won’t fulfill the longing of the heart. It also won’t solve all of our problems or heal us. Instead, it often makes things even more difficult.
Don’t get me wrong, I am well aware that a baby will fulfill a desire of mine, but if my heart is not in the right place, it will still leave a void. I also know things won’t get easier when a baby is in my arms, but instead I believe they will become increasingly more challenging.
The truth is we will never find contentment and we will forever be grasping for the next thing until our needs are met by the only One who can meet them — Jesus. And Jesus, is truly all I need.
I have what I need and because of that, everything has changed. The trials have continued to come, but my hope has remained the same, because He truly is all I need and since I have Him, I have hope, even in the midst of crummy circumstances.
I hope whatever desire of yours has gone unmet, you choose to run after Jesus more than the desire, and you turn to Him to fill the longing of your heart. Whether you are willing to surrender or not is up to you, but please know, you need Jesus too.