11 Mar Keep Your Love On

This past weekend, Colby and I attended a conference called ‘Keep Your Love On’ with other friends and couples from our church. Danny Silk, a pastor from Bethel church, founded the ministry called Loving On Purpose. He travels around teaching others from his recent book, Keep Your Love On which is all about connection, communication, and boundaries.

The conference was perfect timing as we are reading this book/watching the video in our girls group right now. I usually don’t do posts on what I did over the weekend, but the reason I wanted to was because I am so passionate about the content we covered. I have no doubt, not only after hearing testimonies, but hearing the principles of the ministry, that this material is changing lives and restoring relationships.

To say I have A LOT to learn is an understatement. It can be a little overwhelming at times, but there is so much grace for that. It’s hard to pack a 15 hour conference into a few bullet points and after starting to share my notes, I decided instead to share some of my favorite quotes from the conference. While I know this is a long list and don’t expect anyone to read all of it, I hope you have time to read one or two and gain something good from it!

• “The only person we can ever control is our self.”
• “Marriage is isn’t just a choice, it’s choosing the same person a million times.”
• “It’s not our job to change people, it’s our job to love them.”
• “Just as love casts our fear, fear casts out love. It’s our job to manage our heart so that we can respond in love and cast out fear in our relationship.”
• “Our first goal in conversations is to understand one another, not to agree with each other.”
• “During conflict you have two choices; to build a case against the other or to move to understand the others perspective. If your goal is keeping your love on, then your decision is made.”
• “Boundaries give hope of restored relationship. Punishment intends to create suffering as payment for failure.”
• “If I ever turn off my love for you. It is all my fault no matter what you may have done. Self-control removes the option of blaming others for my choices.”
• “Powerful people do not try to control other people. They know it doesn’t work, and that it’s not their job. Their job is to control themselves.”
• “I choose you.” This is the foundation of true, lasting relationships. It is the foundation for God’s relationship with you. As Jesus declared to His disciples, “You did not choose Me, but I chose you…” Jesus chose you in the most difficult of circumstances. He chose you while you were in sin, while you were His enemy. His side of the relationship with you does not depend upon your choice, but entirely upon His choice. The question is whether or not you will learn to build your relationships with Him and others upon the foundation of your choice.
• “Yes, it’s vulnerable and scary to keep your love on toward someone who has become a perceived threat—you cannot guarantee what he or she is going to do. But you can guarantee your own choice. And you can always choose connection.”
• “The more others encounter us honoring the boundaries we have set for our lives, the more they will know that they can trust us with their lives.”
• “Committing to pursue and protect my connection with you means that I will be thinking about how my decisions will affect you while making adjustments accordingly. But managing myself to protect our connection is the ultimate expression of freedom—that is what it means to be a powerful person.”
• “Self-control is at the core of being a powerful person. Self-control means that you can tell yourself what to do, and you can make yourself do it. It sounds simple enough, but telling yourself what to do and obeying yourself can be quite an accomplishment! For most of us, it’s a good day when we obey ourselves…”
• “The only way you can build a heart-to-heart connection with someone is to communicate on a heart level about your feelings and needs.

I think 99% of us can say that we have a hard relationship. Whether it’s a spouse, a parent, in law, coworker, child…. we all have them. I highly encourage checking out their website or even better – getting the book or study guide as I have no doubt that people who study and read this material will look at the way they communicate and love much differently! Cheers to healthier communication, connection, boundaries, and relationships!