My Story of Surrender
Surrender. It’s not a topic we hear much about, but for Christians, it’s the starting point of a relationship with Christ. When we accept Christ as Lord, we surrender our ways and our will in exchange for His ways and His will. But as the days and years go by oftentimes what happens is we take control of our own lives and try to write our own story.
Or at least that is what I did.
I recently shared on episode 136 of A Cup Full of Hope Podcast about my moment of surrender and how it became a turning point in my life and today I want to share here too.
Before I share my moment of surrender, let me go back to 2012. In 2012, we were given the news we would never conceive a child. Shortly after that Colby moved away for 6 months for work. And while he was gone I had way too much time on my hands. I was determined to figure out how we were going to get pregnant. By the time he came back from living in Georgia, I was ready to attempt anything we could to get us pregnant. Acupuncture, essential oils, specific diets, charting, tracking, taking my basal body temperature and more. You name it, we were trying it.
I was living cycle to cycle and month to month. I was bitter and jealous, angry and confused, weary and hopeless. My only focus was a baby. If I could just get pregnant everything would be better, right?
Fast forward to 2013. In August I had a dream that I was pregnant. I was so excited that I woke up, took a test, and at the same time it displayed negative, I started my period. I was devastated. I didn’t realize it at the time, but this moment was my rock-bottom. I was in despair. I saw no way forward. I was miserable.
It was in that moment that Father spoke to me and simply said, “Stop. Stop trying to control. Stop trying to make the baby happen. Stop your striving. It’s not by your works you will conceive a baby, but it’s by my grace. Will you choose to surrender?”
I had a choice to make: listen to my Father and surrender my plans and my ways. Or, continue writing my own story.
I am so thankful that on that day in August of 2013 I chose to be obedient, surrender and follow Him. And when I did? Everything changed. My decision to surrender that day became my turning point. And 9 years later I can say with confidence that the trajectory of my life is much different because of the choice I made that day.
Psalm 46:10 says, “Surrender your anxiety! Be silent and stop your striving And you will see that I am God. I am the God above all the nations, And I will be exalted throughout the whole earth.”
Up until the point of surrender, I hadn’t invited the Lord into our story. I was too busy trying to write my own. But when I surrendered, my striving and weariness was exchanged for rest and peace. The Lord was finally able to Father me and help me. He was able to love me, which was the very thing I needed.
Romans 4:2-3 reminds me so much of our story. It says, “the story we’re given is a God-story, not an Abraham-story. What we read in Scripture is, ‘Abraham entered into what God was doing for him, and that was the turning point. He trusted God to set him right instead of trying to be right on his own’.”
Wow! The moment we surrendered is when we realized it wasn’t a Caroline-story or a Colby-story, it was and still is a God-story.
I encourage you to listen to the podcast episode to hear more about our story. And then I invite you to spend time processing with the Lord. What is it that you have been trying to control? What have you tried to make happen? In what ways have you been striving?
Are you willing to accept the invitation from the Lord today to surrender? To surrender your ways and your will? To surrender your story to Him? Are you ready for your turning point?
I encourage you to read Romans 4:2-3 and insert your own name as you make it prayer and posture: “the story we’re given is a God-story, not a Caroline-story. What we read in Scripture is, ‘Caroline entered into what God was doing for her, and that was the turning point. She trusted God to set her right instead of trying to be right on her own’.”
There is a turning point available to you today! Will you say yes to it?
PS. If you are going through infertility, please head over to join a faith-based support group I founded, Moms in the Making!