30 Sep Not Yet
“How Long, O Lord, How Long?”
This has been my cry lately. How many times is the Lord going to tell us, “not yet”? I never consider a new cycle a “no”, but instead I consider it His way of saying “not yet”. However, the last few months it seems as though the “not yets” are just as hard. Even though I know the door hasn’t closed to pregnancy, often times the pain from waiting and seeing no changes makes it feel as the door has been slammed shut. The wait seems to get harder and harder, especially as more time passes, and when I take a step back and realize we have come to a time frame of waiting I never thought we would have to face – 3.5 years – it seems even harder to swallow.
3.5 years of waiting on Him. 3.5 years of trusting Him. Yet, no changes. No breakthrough. No pregnancy. Just waiting and more waiting. 1,280 Days of waiting. 42 months of him telling us “not yet”. How long is this wait going to last? How many more months? How many more years?
I’m reminded of Sarah and Abraham’s wait. 25 years. That is 300 months of waiting. I ask myself if I would be okay with that? “Lord, do I trust you and love you enough to wait 258 more months, if necessary?” That is a hard question, but the answer, no matter how hard it is, has to be yes. Because, the only other choice is giving up and to me, that isn’t a choice. Which leaves me to wait. I don’t know how much longer our wait will be. I don’t know if it will be one more month or 258 more months, but I do know that I will wait as long as I have to.
As time passes I know God isn’t denying our request. As much as it feels like the door has been slammed shut we have no reason to stop believing that He will bring us our miracle. In fact, as we wait our faith continues to increase with expectancy of breakthrough. It also forces us to seek His strength and peace as we trust that He will carry us through.
Just because you haven’t received your promise from the Lord yet, don’t believe the lie that you never will. Join me in persevering through. His timetable might look much different than yours, just as it has for me, but He will not delay His answer! Trust Him while you wait for Him to turn His “not yet” into His “yes”!
Has the Lord said “Not Yet” to what you are waiting for? What motivates you to continue to trust Him even when it gets hard?
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Robyn B
Posted at 08:29h, 30 Septemberwhat an awesome faith! 🙂 glad i know you, friend!
Kelli {A Deeper Joy}
Posted at 08:55h, 30 SeptemberI admire you for your faith being strengthened in this time. What motivates me to continue trusting Him is remembering how he has been faithful in my past. He’s never let me down before so why do I sometimes not trust him with my future?
Kara
Posted at 09:05h, 30 SeptemberOh friend! praying for you today!!
Cheryl Smith
Posted at 09:48h, 30 SeptemberOh, dear friend! My heart breaks for you…I know it is SO hard to wait. You are waiting so graciously…you are waiting expectantly. This is well-pleasing to our Lord. In the process, He is strengthening you in ways you do not even realize, and when He sends your miracle, and you become a mother, you will be so equipped to raise that precious child in the fear of the Lord. God sees your tears…your frustration…and He sees the hope that you continually keep alive. You are such a blessed inspiration to so many others who are hurting and struggling to hold on to hope! God be with you and bless you and grant you the desires of your heart…praying for you and believing right along with you!!!! Sending you big hugs!
Gennie Parkman
Posted at 10:44h, 30 SeptemberYou are so faithful, and you inspire me. I have faith that God will provide for you in just the way you hope. Thank you for encouraging others in these times.
Kailei
Posted at 11:08h, 30 SeptemberBless your heart! It can be so hard when the answer to our heartfelt prayers and righteous desires is not yet. Your beautiful faith reminds me of a quote I love: “Don’t you quit. You keep walking, you keep trying, there is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon. Some come late. Some don’t come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be alright in the end. Trust God and believe in Good Things to Come.” — Jeffery R Holland
May God bless you as you continue patiently in faith.
mhutch95
Posted at 11:36h, 30 SeptemberYour faith is inspiring and you’re so right. His timing and yours could be two totally different things. Thanks so much for posting.
Marissa
Posted at 12:29h, 30 SeptemberOh Caroline, my heart breaks for you. Your continued reliance on God is very inspiring.
Marissa
Justine Y @ Little Dove Creations
Posted at 12:54h, 30 SeptemberI loved this post! It’s so true that His timetable is different from our own, but knowing that doesn’t necessarily make it easier to accept. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband. Your faith is such a wonderful blessing to have, especially during this time in your lives as you experience this trial together.
Anna - Southern Breeze Collections
Posted at 13:02h, 30 SeptemberThank you for sharing you heart Caroline. I can’t imagine what you are going through but I do pray that God’s “not yet” turns into a “yes” for you very soon. You are in my prayers. Thank you for helping me to realize that the “not yet” in my life is something I need to work to be more trusting on. Very inspiring.
mandipimental
Posted at 13:03h, 30 Septembertears reading this, because my verse of the day was ALL about Sarah. And in my small group we are talking about women in the bible and infertility. So this post just touched on so much for me right now. Waiting with you Caroline <3 May God bless us with babies soon.
Coupon Diva (@RealCouponDiva)
Posted at 13:09h, 30 SeptemberGod is working it all out for you
Shann Eva
Posted at 13:20h, 30 SeptemberThis is such an inspiring post. I know you will help many other women also waiting and going through this difficult journey. I hope your prayers are turned into a yes soon.
brittanyashmore
Posted at 13:55h, 30 SeptemberOh Caroline!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE your outlook and attitude toward this!!! I JUST read the story of Abraham and Sarah today to my first graders and one student asked “WHY DIDN’T GOD GIVE SARAH A BABY?!?!?!!?!?” Well my child he is calling her to put her whole trust and heart into God’s plan! God promised them a baby boy and he will fulfill his promise! God knows your desires and he hears your cry! He is pleased with you and will be there every step of the way! May God continue to give you peace an comfort as you WAIT ON HIS TIMING!! OXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Denise
Posted at 16:10h, 30 SeptemberI had issues with infertility. To think about Sarah’s wait in months makes it seem all the more painful.
Susannah
Posted at 16:27h, 30 September<3 Your trust in the Lord is so admirable!
Christina at Cali Darling
Posted at 18:36h, 30 SeptemberIt’s good to have faith in situations like these. I really hope things go your way soon and that you can have a beautiful baby.
Elise Welch
Posted at 20:28h, 30 SeptemberPraying for you Caroline!!! I admire your faith through this! Keep trusting Him! You are doing awesome!
Xoxo
Betsy
Posted at 20:50h, 30 SeptemberKeep the faith, my friend. 5.3 years for me so far. I’m trusting God for miracles!
Shelly's Cabaret
Posted at 21:33h, 30 SeptemberThank you for this! I’m sorry that you are going through the pain of waiting on His time. I might not understand it as it relates to fertility, but I certainly understand it in another area of my life (career). Your faith and steadfast attitude is something I can do better about, so thank you for inspiring me to trust in Him. 🙂
ssangelake
Posted at 22:01h, 30 SeptemberThough it is so very challenging, I admire your dedication and faith. Your voice is an inspiration to many struggling. I believe that God truly prepares the desires of our hearts and the exact timing of the delivery for that promise… though I would also say, sometimes it doesn’t happen anything like we imagine. Praying for you, this month, and always.
Deborah
Posted at 22:21h, 30 SeptemberI love your faith, and that you continue to draw strength as you wait–isn’t that part of what He wants us to get out of waiting? It doesn’t make it any easier. But it makes you a good role model to so many others who are also waiting.
Blessings,
melanieblignaut
Posted at 08:10h, 01 OctoberEven though we’ve never met in person, I feel like I know you from reading your blog. My heart breaks for you in this time of waiting and I’m praying that you don’t have to wait much longer.
Grace
Posted at 08:34h, 01 OctoberSo much of what you wrote echoes in my heart. My 30th and our 4th wedd. anniversary are both coming shortly. Honestly, as time passes, I have to face the very real possibility that children of our own, whether by birth or adoption, may not be His plan for us. I ask God to shape the desires of my heart to His will. So far the passion for children is still there. So painful to live with.. but like Kelli said, God has always been faithful in the past. Is He not now, and will He not continue to be? Have been blessed lately with the truth that God will always provide for His own in every situation. Praying for you and all my other “sisters” on this journey!
lovelisaserrano
Posted at 08:36h, 01 OctoberFaith in family. Love and Blessings friend. Love, Lisa. Sharing for many in this circle, including us.
alyssabderose
Posted at 10:47h, 01 OctoberThank you for your honesty and vulnerability in this post. I know you are touching lots of hearts right now. Praying for God to meet you in the “not yet” and for your miracle. Blessings to you!
Stacey Eckert (@HomemakerStacey)
Posted at 10:50h, 01 OctoberI feel for you! I will keep you in my prayers, Caroline.
Ashley
Posted at 12:24h, 01 OctoberI admire your faith and know that God is loving and faithful. It has been almost 9 years since my husband and I started trying to get pregnant. We have unexplained infertility. While I absolutely believe that He can open my womb and bless us with a miracle (and I pray that He does to bring glory to Himself!), we very strongly felt led to adoption. We pursued embryo adoption first to give me the chance to be pregnant with our adopted baby(s) but we lost all 8 of our adopted embryos. I would encourage you to check that option out if you strongly have the desire to experience pregnancy. After 2 tries, we very clearly felt God lead us to domestic traditional adoption. After changing our paperwork around a little and getting on the Waiting Families list through Bethany Christian Services, we were matched in 5 weeks! Our daughter was born just 5 weeks later!! Had we achieved pregnancy with our first Frozen Embryo transfer, I would have been due in April. Guess when our daughter was born?? Yep- April! Isn’t that amazing?! God’s hand was clearly all over our adoption journey. I am so thankful for His plan! While I would still love to experience pregnancy and birth of a biological child, that’s not what I spend my time hoping and longing for. Sometimes God has a plan that is completely different than ours, but it is ALWAYS better! Praying for you as you seek God’s will for your life and family.
Nicole @Little Blog on the Homestead
Posted at 12:46h, 01 OctoberWe’re working on being OK with not-ever. It’s a struggle but we’re trying to find our footing in a world where we might never be parents. It’s hard and we don’t know what that might look like. But I know that we will be ok, as long as we have each other
Rebecca Jo (@RebeccaJoKnits)
Posted at 13:19h, 01 OctoberI love your faith & trust….
Lisa
Posted at 13:27h, 01 OctoberGod is getting glory from your waiting! Your strength and faith are growing. What a blessing to see your faith in the midst of your struggle! God Bless you and your husband.
Biana @ Blovedboston
Posted at 13:44h, 01 OctoberPraying for you sweet friend!!
foxxie52
Posted at 14:36h, 01 OctoberI admire your faith. If it’s meant to be it will be. Maybe God has other plans for you.
blestwithboys
Posted at 15:56h, 01 OctoberPraying for you. It’s been a while now, but I was there. Thank you for sharing your heart and your deep faith. <3
Mallory @ Infertile Hope
Posted at 16:59h, 01 OctoberSo very well said! Your faith is inspiring. Thanks for posting this.
ashortblonde
Posted at 17:47h, 01 OctoberThank you for this. I feel the same way often.
Charlotte
Posted at 17:56h, 01 OctoberI feel like your blog REALLY helps with waiting. As much as it sucks that you’re waiting I just want to say thank you for being a constant blessing with your posts.
Lately I feel like he is telling me to be still. That answer seems to be everywhere, lately. So I’m trying to take deep breaths and just trust in him.
Hard. SO HARD. But I feel like he hasn’t left me and he isn’t telling me no.
Again, thank you for your words.
Andrea
Posted at 18:56h, 01 OctoberThis was absolutely beautiful. Your faith is inspiring. We are about to embark on this journey and I’m so scared about the “not yet”. It’s a test I’m not looking forward to face. But I will for sure come back to this post if I face challenges. This is inspiring and touching and I pray He finds its time for your family to grow soon.
Rebeca
Posted at 19:14h, 01 OctoberHello Caroline,
The waiting period is the hardest part. However, I love that your faith is growing during this period. In addition, your post encourages me to continue to trust in the Lord during the waiting. I pray the Lord gives you the desires of your heart, in Jesus name. Lastly, I look forward to getting to know you more. As I have been paired with you; as your Solidarity Sister.
torthúil
Posted at 19:46h, 01 OctoberIt’s hard to feel faith in the process you have chosen when it doesn’t seem to be “working.” It really is a day by day process. Although I have to say (because from my perspective it is the compassionate and honest thing to say) if you do choose to “give up”…or choose a different path, or whatever one labels that ….there is no judgment here.
Denise
Posted at 21:18h, 01 OctoberI could have sworn I responded before. Your story touched a few of familiar heart strings.
Julia
Posted at 10:51h, 02 OctoberI too am going through a time of not yets in my life. Not for having a baby. We all have our own trials. However like you, I know that God is still aware of me, my needs, and my righteous desires. I know that someday the not yet will become a yes now. When that day comes I will fall to my knees in the deepest of thanks. Hang in there.
Gina Brown
Posted at 15:10h, 02 OctoberCaroline, I love that you continue to encourage yourself in the face of disappointment. You asked what how do I stay motivated to trust God in the face for ‘not yet’, I would have to say there two things. The first is believing that God is Sovereign and that he does all things well. and secondly, prayer. Just chatting with God and reminding myself of His Sovereign gives me hope and aligns me. Sometimes it is difficult settling down into it after the turmoil of a not yet or no. And I love the 15th Chapter of John.
Thanks for sharing in the #fitFaith Link up.
Gina
Ashlee S. Barclay
Posted at 21:39h, 03 OctoberYou have great faith! Just continue to trust Him and He will show up and show out for you like you could never dream! It is so important to speak good words to yourself about Him and that will take you fart. As believers, just knowing what He is capable of doing in our lives does heighten the anticipation because He is so good to us! Keep praying, practicing patience and persevering! Thanks for sharing your journey!
mrscolij
Posted at 09:15h, 05 OctoberThe bible says a waiting heart can get sick. Proverbs 13:12 But You are a living testimony that those who wait ON THE LORD will have their strength and heart renewed. Psalm 27:14 You do inspire those watching you, deeply!!!
That said, I would put some of these comments in the “well meaning” category. People WANT to encourage. God, would You wash away any words that did not do that. Wash away any of mine that do not do that.
Sometimes women who praise the Lord for adoption or humbly say they don’t know if children are even in His will can come off sounding like Sarah laughing. Doubt. I mean, should you hold on to the hope of pregnancy??? Your spirit tells you yes but your flesh can wrestle with their words.
As someone who experienced that myself, I want to affirm you hoping and holding on. Not every woman knows what it’s like to have a word or promise from God for a biological child. I say that with all compassion. When you know it’s more than a desire…when you know, know, know God is just calling you to wait and not walk in a different direction…you hold on. You hope. There is no other options, right?! Did I recognize that familiar resolution in your words?!
I so feel like I see a kindred in your journey. So as someone who waited 9 years to hold flesh of my flesh, I say…may you soon be holding yours instead of just holding on. But even if it is not soon and the waiting is long, HOLD ON. There are a host of mamas who would cheer you on with me!
Jennifer - The Deliberate Mom
Posted at 09:25h, 05 OctoberOh my friend, I just hear and feel your heart in this post. You have faith Caroline… and that faith will transform the not yet into a yes – I just know it. You are a precious treasure to our heavenly father and I’m certain His plans for you are far beyond what we could ever imagine.
Thanks for sharing and linking up to the #SHINEbloghop.
Wishing you a lovely day.
xoxo
Kelly @ Southern Komfort Blog
Posted at 13:41h, 05 OctoberYou’re so much stronger than I ever could be – I’m so humbled by your patience! I know that God’s timing is perfect, and He’s got your baby picked just for ya’ll. Prayers my sweet friend 🙂
themisadventuresofmim
Posted at 16:53h, 05 OctoberMy mom’s neighbor and her husband were married for many, many years, and they tried many times to get pregnant. Finally, she started having losses with her biggest loss twins at 5 1/2 months. She has since had a son who just turned 2 and her second baby will be born in November. Another couple in the town I live in waited and tried for 9 long years and now have an almost 2 year old baby girl. You never know why God says wait, but He has his reasons. I pray in Jesus name the baby that you long for be in your arms sooner rather than later, because with God all things are possible. In Jesus name, Amen
Coupon Diva (@RealCouponDiva)
Posted at 17:19h, 05 Octoberoh trying to wait on God
Sevi
Posted at 17:39h, 05 OctoberYou are already one step closer by continuing to have faith in the plan God has for you.
Terri's Thoughts
Posted at 19:49h, 05 OctoberThere is a joy in waiting, although I have been waiting 11 years and I’m still waiting
Brandi @ penguinsinpink.com
Posted at 21:13h, 05 OctoberYour faith is amazing and so inspiring. Praying for you on your journey.
Paula
Posted at 22:04h, 05 OctoberWe’ve been getting “not yet” too for 5 years. I understand your struggle and relate to your faith. God is NOT holding out on us. He love us so much and He does have a plan in store that is so much more than we could ever have imagined. Thank you for sharing your heart, I know it’s not easy, praying for you!
Jacqueline Snoderly
Posted at 14:23h, 07 OctoberPaula could not have said it any better than I. God has a plan for you and your hubby. HE knows when it’s time. I’ll be praying for you and your husband. We were “not yet” for 4+ years. Beautiful boy just turned 4. HE knew when the timing was right.
Heather J
Posted at 10:30h, 08 OctoberYour commitment to the Lord is inspiring! His timing is always perfect! My heart goes out to you, praying for you!
God is GREAT!
Ashleigh
Posted at 10:31h, 08 OctoberThis is a very beautifully written post about something difficult to talk about. I admire your strength and love in His timetable for you… I would be more frustrated, I know. I often get overwhelmed when things do happen on my timetable, and this post really brought things back into perspective for me… that it is not always in our control and that we need to let things happen when they are suppose to. You will have your baby when it is planned for you. Your faith is wonderful!
Samantha
Posted at 10:47h, 08 OctoberThanks for sharing this post! I think we all go through this in one way or another – waiting on a new job, on a child, on the next opportunity. It can be hard to have faith during those times because, as humans, we want everything to happen according to our schedule. I know that in growing my business, I experience this often. It’s important to step back and remember all the ways that God has been faithful in the past, even if it was in a way we didn’t expect. I’ll be praying for you!
Sandra
Posted at 11:13h, 08 OctoberThis is a post that will help many women. I waited 5 years for my little miracle. It’s so hard and discouraging at times. But thank God we can wake up and reaffirm our faith in him. The day I spoke my faith in God’s plan 8 days later I found out I was pregnant.
Laura @ Making Baby Provence
Posted at 13:51h, 02 NovemberThe strength that God gives you is just amazing. Your faith is admirable. I pray for you often. I cannot wait to watch Him answer all of your prayers. *Hugs*
Valerie
Posted at 17:01h, 12 JanuaryIn my eight, going on nine year journey, this has been the best thing i’ve ever read! Thank you for sharing and opening my eyes!
Deborah
Posted at 09:28h, 18 FebruaryThis is going to sound crass, but just be careful if you do get pregnant. My husband and I have been trying for 2.5 years. All the treatments, etc did not work, despite no explanation. When I could take it no more, we stopped all of that. 6 months later I got pregnant naturally. Every single thing in our lives and our family’s lives had fallen into place. Everyone around us could see it was a miracle. Our pastors, our families, even our non-believing friends looked at the whole picture and said wow! We had all witnessed a miracle. I had a miscarriage at 2 1/2 months. Now I wish I hadn’t put so much on that being the answer from God we had been waiting for. It felt cruel. Especially because the day before my positive pregnancy test we had finally made the call to the adoption agency that we were ready to begin that process. It seemed mean spirited that I was finally at peace with adoption only to find out I was pregnant, then to have the baby die. I’m not saying something positive won’t happen in the future. But it has rocked our faith and, though we continue to trust, we will proceed with caution.
Jennifer DeFrates/Heaven Not Harvard
Posted at 21:59h, 23 AugustIt doesn’t get easier. There are good days, hard days, devastating days, and days that race by, but it is always there hovering in the background. But we learn the real trust, the real believing in Him. And the outcome is a miracle whether we get our miracle or not.