It’s Okay to Not Be Okay
It’s okay to not be okay. This is a hard truth for me to understand and it is really hard for me to find balance with these thoughts. About 90% of the time I am positive, hopeful and full of faith and the other 10% I end up on the complete other side of the spectrum where I want to throw in the towel and give up on this journey.
I am not good at navigating my feelings, especially when they are negative and deal with how hard this journey has gotten. I guess these feelings have come up more lately because the longer we have waited, the harder this journey has become. I think part of the reason I try to keep the hard days hush hush is the last thing I want is for this blog or my life to be filled with negativity, bitterness, anger, and complaining.
But, sometimes it just flat out sucks. There is no sugarcoating it. It’s really, really, really hard. And because of that I am learning that it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to be upset. It’s okay to have a hurting heart. It’s okay that life is hard. It’s all okay.
All throughout the Psalms, it wasn’t okay. How many times did David cry out the Lord? I have often echoed his prayer in Psalm 13 which says, “How Long, O Lord? How Long?” How many times am I going to have to ask that question? No, but really Lord, “How Long.” No, really….. I am tired and I am weary and I don’t know if I can wait one more day, so Lord, “How Long.”
Some days the battle in my mind between the natural and the spiritual is just too much. I know what the scripture says, yet I get so focused on my circumstances that I forego all the truth and let my emotions take over. I lose focus of everything the Word says and let the enemy and my unjust emotions take over my mind and heart. I know it’s unhealthy, but sometimes I dig a deeper hole of “poor me” and I don’t know how to get out.
But… I always do. I always snap out of my ‘funk.’ Thankfully my funks usually just last a day or two and then I can redirect my thoughts to the truth. Please know that if you don’t feel okay right now, that it’s okay. I do encourage you not to stay in that place long. It’s a dark place. It’s a depressing place. It’s not a healthy place and it’s taking sides with the enemy instead of Jesus. But it’s okay to have a bad day. Give yourself grace and give yourself time, but after having a pity party, seek the light and hope of Jesus and I promise you too will snap out it! Even if the circumstances around you aren’t okay remember God’s light always outshines the darkness and with Him you will be okay!
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