Are You Setting Others Up to Win?

Are the friends in your life setting you up to win? In other words do your friends really want you to succeed in all areas (spiritually, emotionally, financially, physically, etc)? And what if you switched that question around? Do you want your friends to succeed? Do you celebrate with them when they get that baby, new job, husband, or house that you have also been longing for? Or do you turn bitter and jealous?

I mentioned in May that I attended a Women’s conference. One of my favorite sermons was by Charlotte Gambill on setting others up to win. Everything she shared really resonated me. In a culture where it’s so easy to want to connect instead of commit, she pointed to the fact that it takes a lot of effort to pursue a true friendship. 

What does true friendship look like to you? Is it one that is based on connection? While there is nothing wrong with conversing through text messages and social media, what would it look like to move beyond the connection and truly commit as a friend? It has to be much more than a weekly text, right? Do you have people in your life who through conversation and discussion you are going deeper with? You know, talking about the ups and downs as well as everything in between?

First, I think that it is important to remember that we are all on the same team. As followers of Jesus, once we realize that someone else’s success is our success, not our failure, is when we transition from being on our own team to being on everyone else’s team too. This puts us in a position to allow God to win, instead of the enemy who floods our thoughts with jealousy and bitterness.

The enemy uses every tactic possible to make God’s family look dysfunctional. Look around… it’s obvious that some (not all) friendships and family units look much different than what God originally intended. It doesn’t have to be that way and that is where you come in. Look for people around you who are willing to commit. Find those who will stay consistently by your side even if their wins happen before yours. Find the friends who will be so committed that they won’t flee from you when trials come your way, but they will press in even more and pray even harder.

God has designed us to live in community with others and it’s so important that it’s done through commitment to each other. I have seen this on our own journey. We have an army of people following our story and praying for us and you know what, when we get pregnant, all these prayer warriors and committed friends win too! Our win becomes their win!

Just as God is committed to your win, your success, and your breakthrough the people all around you should be as well. Surround yourself with people that know how to commit, not the ones that only want to connect. Celebrate those who need to be celebrated and mourn with those who mourn. I promise you it’s much better to set those up around you to win, than it is to hope that they fail. And when you do? Their win is not only God’s win, but it’s your win too!

Are You Setting Others Up To Win

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  • Carissa Maul
    Posted at 08:26h, 24 June Reply

    Commit instead of connect, that is real food for thought. I’d like to really marinate on that and consider what I’m doing to commit to others. Thanks for putting this out there!

  • Keri Underwood
    Posted at 08:29h, 24 June Reply

    I just had a season where I had to reevaluate my friendships. There were friends who weren’t sharpening me so to speak. And in turn I had to look at myself and think “if someone else was evaluating their friendships, how would I do?” That caused me to really be more intentional with the people God placed in my life. Friendships are so important!

  • Rebecca Jo
    Posted at 09:47h, 24 June Reply

    I work with someone who LOVESSSSS to see people fail – even tries to make it happen in some people’s lives. I just dont get that. It saddens me to no reason to think how sad she must be to want failure in other’s lives so badly.
    I think that sort of attitude is more around us than we realize.

  • Andrea
    Posted at 13:46h, 24 June Reply

    some stuff to think about – we gotta be encouraging to others – and the other way around

  • Kay
    Posted at 20:51h, 24 June Reply

    This is a great post! We should be supporting others and helping them win instead of feeling like we’re some sort of competition.

  • Tiffany
    Posted at 22:17h, 24 June Reply

    I know people who love to see themselves succeed and others fail. It gets harder as we get older to find those real connections.

  • Elizabeth
    Posted at 22:55h, 24 June Reply

    Hi! I’ve been reading your blog for several months and it inspired me to start my own, I’m also dealing with infertility and haven’t been very open about it in my personal life but finally decided to reach out to the online community of women who give me hope! You can find my story at Thank you for your honesty and inspiration!

  • Brittanu
    Posted at 08:27h, 25 June Reply

    Finding genniuine friendships can be difficult but you’re right God does want us to live in community with others, celebrating their ups and downs. Great post!

  • Allison
    Posted at 09:26h, 25 June Reply

    Great post! It makes me so sad to see how people undermine and put others down, even in the Church.

  • Jennifer DeFrates/Heaven Not Harvard
    Posted at 11:23h, 25 June Reply

    I want to be that kind of friend! A close friend has been pulled away from pursuing God by financial/business success. And It is hard for me to celebrate her “wins” when she is clearly letting worldly blessings get in the way of Godly ones. I’m struggling to find the balance and draw her back to God.

  • Amy March
    Posted at 12:15h, 25 June Reply

    I am really good about being happy for others…until I feel like they aren’t being sensitive or are rubbing it in, or worst of all, complaining about having the thing I want. Then my thoughts turn so nasty and I hate that about myself. It’s so easy to just focus on “Look at this thing they are doing wrong! Complaining about a gift!” and forgetting that my thoughts are in the wrong as well.

  • Tedi
    Posted at 14:49h, 26 June Reply

    Totally agree! I have found that me being content with my own life has allowed me to cheer others on and be that person that will be there for their downs as well as their ups. ?

  • Patricia
    Posted at 19:52h, 26 June Reply

    I’m on your team friend!! ?

  • Ai Grace
    Posted at 04:41h, 27 June Reply

    I like that … Commit instead of Connect. Thanks for the reminder to make the most of our relationships for God’s glory.

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