22 Jun What God Hasn’t Done For Me Yet
I am so thankful for friends who point me in the right direction because boy have I needed it lately. The other day I was texting with a friend who is also believing for a miracle except her story is much different than mine and has nothing to do with pregnancy. Regardless, she has been a huge encouragement to me and in a very kind way the other day told me in a text, “Don’t be offended at what God hasn’t done for you yet.”
Whew. Well that hit me. Convicted! She nailed it. Over the past week I have been mad and offended with God. Why is he giving everyone else what I want, but not me? I mean there have been 30 babies in my local Moms in the Making group, my brother and SIL just had their 4th kid, most of my friends are on their second or third kid (or finished) and me? What about me? I got nothing.
But you know what also hit me? The reason why I am really offended? It’s because I am full of pride. I’m a prideful person and I’m offended because I think that I deserve pregnancy. I’m offended because I think I am entitled to a better plan. I’m offended because I think my plans for expanding my family are much better than God’s plans. I’m offended because clearly God is taking too long. I’m offended because I am tired of waiting.
The enemy loves the spirit of offense and clearly he has been having a hay day with me. He reminds me of every situation possible and why it’s really not fair that everyone around me has a baby, but not me (PS. I know not everyone, but some days it just feels like that is the case). And what happens when I take this stance of offense? It turns my eyes from being focused on Christ to instead focusing on the mountain of infertility in front of me.
So where do I go with this? What do I do with all these feelings? The first step to a problem is admitting it right? So I am doing that publicly now. I recognize all the sin in my heart: the pride, the control and the desire to plan my life. What is next? I think there are a lot of steps including asking for forgiveness, reminding myself for the millionth time that God’s plan is better than mine, and soaking up scriptures that can encourage me in this area that I am so clearly struggling with.
I want to become unoffendable, not just with my current status of my offense with God, but with others too. I want to keep pursuing Christ because I know that when I do my heart will become more mature and there will be less room for this offense to reside. It’s a process. My natural mind wants to continue to stay mad, but I know the very best option is to seek the Lord and ask him to help me deal with these harsh, yet real feelings, so that is what I am (very slowly) choosing to do.
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Shannon
Posted at 08:13h, 22 JuneThank you so much for your honesty this morning. This is exactly what I needed to hear today!!
Vera
Posted at 08:38h, 22 JuneCaroline! I recognized this in myself yesterday. As I drove to work I poured my heart out and told God I was angry with Him. Then I said I can no longer carry the weight of my hopes, dreams and desires. I was not giving up wanting to be a mom but I was giving up the weight of it. It’s exhausting that every waking moment is about reading more, asking more questions, crying about, being angry when I see a pregnant woman or hear of a pregnancy. Currently my two good friends are pregnant and one shower is this weekend. I gave all that to Him. I had a productive work day yesterday. I got home and my husband and I watched a movie with the main character’s wife being pregnant. I was not bothered at all! God did a quick work in me. I have decided that when I get to this point again and I will I will say this to myself, “Lord, I’m sad about this infertility journey but I trust you”. Today, I’m free from the weight of it. Blessings.
Lindsay Johnson
Posted at 08:47h, 22 JuneI love this post. Sometimes it is so hard to understand His plan for us, especially when those around us are getting what you yearn for so easily. This journey is hard, but thank you for inspiring me and others along the way with your faith and perspective.
Carissa Maul
Posted at 08:47h, 22 JuneI love that you shared this post today and your honesty is so inspiring. His plans ARE better than our plans and that sense of pride is so human! It’s good to remember we should strive to be UNOFFENDABLE!
Natasha
Posted at 09:03h, 22 JuneI believe you recently posted a blog about, “It’s ok to not be ok.” It was a blog or a meme, I can’t remember. But in the midst of feeling exactly what you are feeling now, it gave me comfort. I will not begin to compare stories, as you have been waiting so much longer than me. However, we have both felt pain, and we know what it’s like to watch our friends have baby after baby, even when they aren’t trying. I think it’s ok to be angry with God and become impatient. As long as we keep our line of communication open with Him, I think he welcomes the relationship whether we are praising Him or shaking our fists. We are children after all, and we aren’t perfect. He knows our hearts. He knows why we lash out..and all the while I can just see Him saying, “If you only knew what is coming.” I HATE waiting. I am one of the most impatient people I know. But take heart. <3 God has overcome the world, and I am believing and praying with you today that He WILL fulfill His promises and give you the desires of your heart. Thank you so much for your honesty in this post! It helps other people like me see that I'm not alone in feeling this way from time to time…:)
Annette
Posted at 09:19h, 22 JuneSo, Caroline, love this, relate to this and completely agree with this. Many years ago I heard Rob Bell talk about being unoffendable and since then I have reminded myself that it is my goal. But like you, I am frustrated at times, ya know, the whole being creature issue, that I have to wait when clearly I know what is best! I mean, just ask me! Lol! But then, I look back on all of these years and I realize that when I took the reigns and didn’t allow the Holy Spirit to work as God intended, things took longer to unfold. I own all of it, and now I wait in humility for God to direct my path. It is God’s wisdom not mine. But don’t be too hard on yourself either because we are a temporal people and birthday months can be a real bitch, lol! God has not overlooked you or abandoned you and is not revelling in your pain, quite the contrary. God is using your beautiful heart to touch others in a spirit of service, which my friend, is the spirit of motherhood. God has already given you this mission and when the timing is right and you can reach the people God wants, it will happen as it is meant to be. Don’t underestimate the power of witness. Your witness and fidelity are serving Gods people and it is no little thing. It is vital and important and meaningful. Trust it and give thanks for it. All for the glory of God.
Amanda
Posted at 09:43h, 22 JuneIt’s so easy to feel like we “deserve” so many things, when in reality we are sinners and every single breath is a gift! I need to take more of this mind-set too. I am sorry you have been having a rough time! I think that’s totally normal when you see so many people on second and third babies and fourth babies. I wish I knew the plan in place here!
Rebecca Jo
Posted at 10:01h, 22 Junewhoooo – this is powerful. What a reality slap to my prideful self as well.
You are so right – who are we to think we “DESERVE” anything? This was good stuff
Lily
Posted at 10:42h, 22 JuneYES! A few days ago I felt mad…especially after reading about a few babies dying due to parents not watching them. But I can’t let it get to me…I know God has a bigger plan for us!
xo, Lily
Beauty With Lily
Lauren
Posted at 11:09h, 22 JuneI swear you were writing this about me! This was the best thing I have read in a long time. Thank you!!!
Dee
Posted at 11:22h, 22 JuneI love this!!! I’m still holding on to God’s promises!! I must admit I am getting weary. But in those times there is something that wont let me give up. God is good!!!
Nicole
Posted at 15:59h, 22 JuneCame across your blog today, and wow am I in the same boat! My husband’s SA came back with lots of issues, I’ve had health issues of my own, and in April it was 3 years that we have been ttc, and we have decided not to go to the doctor for further treatment when we found out as well. I had a horrible week last week when hearing of a newlywed ttc. Just thinking it may happen before us caused me to lose it 🙁 Thank you for your posts, and for your honesty. May God bless you with a child soon and very soon!
Kathy Slockers
Posted at 16:04h, 22 JuneSo lovely Sweetheart!!! It’s your turn soon….xoxox
Kristy
Posted at 20:34h, 22 JuneI’m struggling with similar emotuons, just a different circumstance. Thank you for this reminder.
Beka Johnson
Posted at 23:54h, 22 JuneThanks for showing us the good and bad days. I’m thankful you have friends to point you back to Christ.
Becky
Posted at 10:01h, 23 JuneI’ve been struggling with the thoughts of why so many people are getting pregnant and not US…not to mentioned watching the daily news where children are blessed to people who simply don’t deserve them. I have felt so much anger lately and I have found myself be quite upset with God. And, I feel guilty about it because I know deep down I shouldn’t be angry with God. As we try to remind ourselves that he has a greater plan, right? But I what I realize after reading your post is that maybe it’s not so much as anger but that I am simply offended as well…Thank you for this post, glad I’m not alone in my feelings…
Maria
Posted at 13:02h, 23 JuneWhat a truthful and honest post, Caroline. Sometimes it can be frustrating to want, wish and pray for something and not get it, even if you are doing things right. But you’re absolutely right: there’s a bigger plan. It’s not that your prayers have gone unanswered, perhaps there’s just a bigger picture that needs to be created beforehand. Thanks for opening up to us on #shinebloghop. Your posts are always so inspiring and motivating!
Amy March
Posted at 13:09h, 23 JuneYes yes yes. I have been having to constantly remind myself that nobody DESERVES a baby. It’s not that those other couples deserve one and we don’t. It’s not fair, no, but it doesn’t need to be.
Patricia
Posted at 13:44h, 23 JuneI completely missed this yesterday but your honesty and transparency is something i can completely relate to. Oh how we need Jesus!! Praying for us both that in the midst of it all we can keep our focus on Him.
Amanda Greav
Posted at 13:53h, 23 JuneSo good Caroline. Love your honesty.
Interestingly enough, I used to struggle so much with feeling like I deserved a successful pregnancy, but once Garrison came into my life, it became piercingly obvious that I don’t deserve him at all. So thankful for grace and forgiveness for my lying, deceitful, and prideful heart.
Andrea
Posted at 17:02h, 23 JuneI needed to really hear this 🙂
Taria Shondell
Posted at 17:37h, 23 JuneThank you for your honesty & transparency! I too have been there many times, more than I want to count and yet GOD still forgives me and loves me in SPITE of me!
Thank you for the reminder! And I am striving to become “unoffendable.”
Tara
Posted at 19:20h, 23 JuneI think we have all been there over different things at different points in our lives. I often feel like i have to wait a lot longer and over a lot more basic things than others. But the truth is that I am still seriously blessed beyond measure. God is good and has a plan better than mine.
Aly
Posted at 19:23h, 23 JuneLove this! This week I cried because I know my brother will get PG so quick. I want it to be me! And yes that’s pride and selfishness. Thank you!
Amy
Posted at 21:04h, 23 JuneCaroline, you and I have such a similar struggle. I don’t know if you would say you are where I am at – but where I am is, “God, I’ve done all I can – it’s in your hands now. I’m tired.” Someday soon we will have pictures of our bundles of joy to share with one another . . . for now, let’s hold onto hope!
Rhonda
Posted at 15:41h, 11 JulyThanks for being honest, Caroline. I totally get feeling totally beaten down and then realizing on top of that I need humbling! A friend recently pointed out to me 2 Chronicles 20 and how the Lord will fight the battle for us; we just need to praise Him in the meantime. Another favourite verse of mine is Habakkuk 3:17-18: “Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.”