What I Want More Than A Baby
A baby. Babies. Lots and lots of babies. That is all I want. Really, that is all I have ever wanted. I still remember being a little girl and dreaming of the day it would happen. Becoming a mother. A dream come true. You get married and then you start a family, right?
For some, that is what happens, but for Colby and I, and 1 in 8 other couples all around the world it isn’t quite so easy. Almost 6 years into our journey and we are still waiting. Because we have chosen not to pursue medical intervention, I think many feel that we must not want it that bad, but let me tell you. A baby? That is all I really want. Any day now Lord.
The past few weeks I have had many thoughts, “Lord, do we go ahead and do IVF? Should I just steal a baby? Should we adopt? How much longer, Lord?”
So many thoughts are going through my head. And in my Spirit rose up what I know to be truth and that is this: there is something I want more than a baby.
I want to be obedient.
I want to be obedient. I want to be obedient to what God is calling us to do. I want to be obedient in the journey he has us on. I want to be obedient with my time, my life, my decisions, my job, my finances, my marriage, my family, and yes my road to motherhood. I want to be obedient to all of it! Which leads to the fact that more important to me, than a baby (which if I haven’t conveyed enough then let me remind you is really the only thing I want right now), is following Jesus and being obedient to his commands.
I don’t expect everyone to understand, so if you don’t, that is okay. And if you are wondering, “So why not medical intervention? Why not the crazy diets? Why not adoption? Why not acupuncture and all the other good things that can help make a baby?” I am glad you asked. Do we think those things are bad? Absolutely not. Are those things for everyone? Absolutely not either. The answer is no to all of those things simply because we haven’t felt led to take those paths and we want to be faithful and obedient to the path we feel like God has led us on. Can I insert a quick reminder here that if a baby is also something you want, the path God has Colby and I on is going to look much different from yours?
No one said following Jesus is easy. No one said being obedient is fun. And really no part of this wait has been easy or fun. But, it’s always worth it. Always! And to us, if being obedient means waiting another year or another 5 years, then it’s worth every day of waiting. We are well aware that we can disobey and get an Ishmael, but obedience? It will lead us to our long-awaited promised Isaac. (Refer to Genesis 16 if you aren’t familiar with that story). God desires obedience. He commands obedience. But the beautiful thing? God rewards obedience.
Lord, what I want more than a baby is to be obedient to you. Who is willing to say those words with me?
PS. If you are going through infertility, please head over to join a faith-based support group I founded, Moms in the Making!
PPS. Have you picked up a copy of my book? Buy In Due Time, a 60-day devotional for hope + encouragement in the waiting.
PPPS. I created a group on facebook as an extension of my book + blog to discuss anything + everything. Women only! Come join us!