Your Pain Matters

The pain that came when I lost my nephew, someone so special and close to me, was and continues to be unbearable at times. There have been times where I have felt guilty for being sad or guilty for going through the grieving process. And there have been times where I have tried to shove the pain away. More than anything, I have just wished I could trade places with my brother and sister-in-law and it be me that lost a child, instead of them. I wish that I could take all their pain away.

As a believer in Christ, I shouldn’t still have pain and sadness, right? At least that is what so many say. In the years following the loss of my nephew, I often felt like the pain from our family’s loss as well as infertility wasn’t valid. Why should I feel pain as I wait for something I don’t yet have, while my brother and sister-in-law had to go through the pain of losing their firstborn child. My pain and sadness, compared to theirs, is absolutely no big deal. They lost a child, when I don’t yet have a child. They lost a son, when I just lost a nephew. So does my pain even matter?

But, then I was reminded by a friend that it is a big deal. That God cares about what I am going through and whether it’s a hard day at work or the pain of child loss, he is in the details. Even though our culture often says that we should be okay, I want to remind you that it’s okay to not be okay and that your pain matters. It’s okay to have days where there are more tears than smiles. It’s okay to have days where the hurt feels like too much. And ultimately, it’s normal and healthy to go through all the stages of grief, as it is part of the process to find healing on any difficult journey.

At the end of the day, even though I think it’s healthy to acknowledge all the emotions, I think what you do with your pain is what matters most. Will you turn to an external factor to fill the void you are experiencing? Or will you turn to Jesus? He doesn’t promise to remove the pain right away, but he does promise he will be with you every step of the way. Please know that your pain matters. God sees your pain, he understands your pain, and he can bring something beautiful out of your pain. Don’t push it down or push it away, instead acknowledge it and bring it to Jesus.

Your Pain Matters - In Due Time Blog

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  • Amanda
    Posted at 12:14h, 22 March Reply

    This is something I try to remind myself and my friends of also–that whatever they are going through matters and is valid. It is definitely okay to admit you are feeling sad or angry or whatever, and I love that God meets us in those times.

  • Patricia
    Posted at 11:28h, 24 March Reply

    This really encouraged me Caroline. Grief is so hard to describe and put into words as it truly does change you. At least it has changed me….but God cares, and we do not have to carry our pain alone.

  • Kristy
    Posted at 14:16h, 25 March Reply

    The emotions surrounding my accident have been surfacing a lot more fiercely that week or so. Thank you for this validation.

  • Rhonda
    Posted at 13:19h, 20 June Reply

    Great post. Thanks for sharing. My husband & I had a great discussion yesterday on the difference between joy & happiness; how happiness, while not a bad thing at all, is something that shouldn’t be pursued as a goal because it’s based on the external/circumstancial and is a feeling that comes & goes. But joy is deep-seated and comes from a peace & thankfulness in knowing the promises of God, such as a sure and certain hope of a home with Him in heaven, that lasts throughout emotional pain. Jesus had emotional pain too, many times in the Bible for various reasons, so we know grief, for various reasons is totally legitimate!

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