04 Dec Left Behind
Left Behind. These two words describe exactly how I feel. There are so many emotions I have experienced on our journey to becoming parents. As most of my friends have children, I can’t help but feel left behind. My friends have moved on without me. Some of my friends have finished having kids and most all of my friends are in a completely different life stage than I am.
I hate how I can’t relate. I hate that I feel so forgotten. Sometimes I just want to scream, “Hey remember me? I am still here! Still waiting.” To all those who walked the infertility journey with me at one time, whether from my Moms in the Making group or the blog world… “Hey remember me? I am still here. Still waiting!” To all my friends who have finished their families already… “Hey remember me? I am still waiting!” To those whose wait was months, not years I want to scream, “Hey remember me?? I am still waiting!”
I wish I didn’t have to trail behind all of those who are so close to me. I wish I didn’t feel forgotten. There are so many things I wish, but I know my wishing won’t fix anything.
I also know I am not the only one who feels this way. Whether you are waiting for a baby or something else, you might also feel left behind. Everyone around you might have exactly what you want and you too might feel forgotten. The pain is real. It’s hard to feel like you don’t belong. It’s hard to feel like you are forgotten.
At the end of the day, I have to put my emotions aside and remind myself that no matter how much I feel like I don’t belong, feel forgotten, or feel left behind I can’t focus on those feelings. When I let my emotions take over, emptiness fills my heart and mind, but when I focus on the truth, which includes God’s word and realizing how blessed I truly am, then I am able to replace the lies and loneliness with peace and joy.
I wish I had some super sweet ending to this post, but I am not sure I do. Some days I hate that I am in this situation and other days the thankfulness is pouring out. Today I am going to choose to remember that although I might be left behind by earthly people, I will never be left behind by my heavenly Father. That is exactly what keeps me going. He is on my side. He has good plans for me. I will continue to declare and trust His truth because God truly is all I need!
“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5
Do you feel left behind? What keeps you moving forward? Do you believe God is always with you?
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Kelly @ Southern Komfort Blog
Posted at 07:11h, 04 DecemberI’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, friend. I wish I could be there to hug you.
paxetbonum
Posted at 07:47h, 04 DecemberAs a woman that became mom after several years of infertility I can understand well your feeling of been left out but I can offer you also a glimpse of ‘the other side’. After the positive test I remember feeling very concerned about breaking the news withouth hurting the feelings of my if friends, for a while I even felt kind of guilty that I was pregnant while they were still waiting. During the pregnancy one of my if friend told me that what happened to me was giving her hope but other if friends started giving me cold shoulders. Once the baby was born the distance became even greater. Maternity is an earthquake changing the life priorities and the balance inside the couple. It is hard to meet with your if friends for a chat when you are sleep deprived and nursing non-stop, it is hard to talk about the blessings and the challenges of motherhood with somebody that can’t share your hope and worries and that is grieving for a miscarriage or that you know may even feel envy for you (I was too). I wish your desire to become a mom will be fulfilled soon and that you will find strenght and peace in your time of wait. Hugs.
Lisa
Posted at 08:02h, 04 DecemberI just told a friend of mine that my explanation of how I feel is “Invisible.” I don’t feel like God even sees or hears me anymore. Not just concerning secondary infertility, but with our job situations, and so many other things. So I can relate.
Amie
Posted at 08:14h, 04 DecemberI think of you guys daily and I am waiting to see the post you long to write because I just know that God will send your children and we will all rejoice with you. Ox
Carissa Maul
Posted at 08:18h, 04 DecemberYes, truly some days I feel left behind, or a burden to those around me. Like my journey weighs them down. But I keep moving forward because I have to. No matter how slow you go, forward is forward. So some days it is baby steps. Some days it’s leaps. But I refuse to step backwards anymore. And when I get lost in the loneliness or I feel like I don’t deserve to be on this journey because of past mistakes, I look to God. He knows I deserve this, even when I don’t feel that way. He will never leave me lonely and He placed a wonderful man beside me just to be sure I didn’t walk alone. God is always with us. In times of struggle, in times of joy, and in times of peace.
Amanda
Posted at 08:29h, 04 DecemberI remember feeling so left behind. The girls I followed from the beginning were almost all moms, and some were one their second pregnancy. I just couldn’t understand. Four years is a freaking long time to wait for a child. I remember knowing that there were other women in my situation, some just starting the journey, but I just couldn’t find it in me to reach out. I didn’t want to be the veteran. I didn’t want to be the poor, pitiful one who had tried everything that everyone secretly hoped they wouldn’t end up like. I so distinctly remember feeling abandoned. My blog roll got less updates, and those that did update were about bottles and feeding schedules and sleep training and I felt so abandoned…by the women who had so much in common. Feeling abandoned by the fertile friends was expected, but to be abandoned by the infertile women in my life, that was a whole new low. I don’t have any sunny ending or tie-a-bow around it moment. I just wanted to say I remember, and though I may have moved to a different season of life this year, I haven’t forgotten you. Praying your next season is just around the corner.
jennifer prod
Posted at 08:32h, 04 Decemberoh sweet girl. i pray for you, and you are *such* an inspiration to so many people. thank you for always being brave and honest and having such a big open heart <3
monica gilbreth
Posted at 09:34h, 04 DecemberSometimes all we can cling to is the truth that we are never left behind by Jesus. That should be enough, I know, but God made me, and he knows my humanity better than even I do. He knows I want it to be enough, but sometimes this life gets its hooks into my heart. It’s very painful. Thank you for being real about your feelings. Hugs and prayers going out to you, Caroline.
Lily Ayala (Beauty With Lily)
Posted at 09:35h, 04 DecemberI’m so sorry you are feeling this way, Caroline. I know how you feel. Keep your head up, big hugs!
Rebecca Jo (@RebeccaJoKnits)
Posted at 09:55h, 04 DecemberOh sweet friend. How I see myself in you in that stage of life.
Christmas is so hard – even still – in this feeling when you see everyone doing all the holiday celebrations with little ones… & I feel these exact same things.
But for me, I always have to focus on what I DO have – its a lot different then what other women have – & there are small blessings in there as well. Time is huge – most mom’s dont have time. You do – you can use that Time to bless others – blessing you. I know you’d rather give all your time to your own baby… but it will come. Use the blessings you have right now… maybe it will help in this season of life.
HUGS to you…
Susannah
Posted at 09:56h, 04 DecemberI’m so sorry you feel forgotten! Just know that you’re not forgotten by people and you’re DEFINITELY not forgotten by the Lord! <3<3<3<3
Jennifer
Posted at 09:58h, 04 DecemberFirst, this hurts, it is hard. Nothing can change that. I want to take a second and just acknowledge that with you. Then share my perspective from the other side.
I was 38 when my child finally came. I had felt left behind a lot. But – BUT, there are several women in particular I never would have been close to had I been a mom earlier. God’s plan for my family included placing me (older, wiser) in their circle during the early stages of motherhood. I don’t know what God’s plan is for you and I know it hurts abundantly. Remember God will never give your gift to anyone else. God’s desire is to save as many as possible, and He can use you in a way He never will be able to again because parenting is time consuming. I know it is hard to see, but this time is your sweet opportunity. Spend every quiet minute in the bible, in prayer, in service at your church and in your community.
Every minute you spend now serving and studying Him will be tools in your tool belt when parenthood comes for you. However it comes.
The best advice I can give you is embrace the hurting – let God comfort you through His word. Put on praise music and cry if you have to. And then embrace what time you have left to have time for God in a deep, deep way. You’ll be glad you did.
Natasha
Posted at 10:37h, 04 DecemberOh dear friend..I call you friend because I feel like we share a lot, and I enjoy our conversations through email when they happen..
Sometimes it’s all you can do to keep trusting and leaning on the Word of God. Especially during the Christmas season…it’s very hard on my husband and I..we picked an angel tree child to buy presents for at our church. While it was our way of giving back, it was an act that led to my husband and I sharing our fears and hopes together and a good cry. It gives me strength to know I am not alone in this when I can talk to my husband about it. No, he doesn’t completely understand my feelings and what I’m going through but I’m so grateful he tries. I pray that you have this kind of relationship with your husband also. It makes going through things like holidays and friends getting pregnant when they weren’t even trying so much more…bearable to say the least.
I understand completely about being left behind, about not belonging…some days it’s easy to feel encouraged, knowing that God will fulfill his promises to us. Other days, it’s just easier not to think about it..it’s ok if every blog doesn’t have a happy ending. Jesus is our happy ending. And He understands our broken hearts. It’s ok to not be ok…
Dear friend, I pray peace over you today and during this season. I pray God will wrap you in His arms and comfort you during this time. Waiting is hard. Don’t lose hope.
Erika B.
Posted at 10:38h, 04 DecemberUgh. I am so sorry you’re feeling this way- I remember it well, and it sucks. Know that you aren’t forgotten by me- I think of and pray for your miracle often. And yes- the weirdest thing for me was realizing some of my friends were already DONE having kids and I was still trying to START. I must say- the flip side advantage of that, once we had Millie, was that there was an abundance of hand-me-downs and extra enthusiasm for hosting our showers, ha! Sooo…a teeny little silver lining, perhaps? Love you, friend.
Biana
Posted at 11:52h, 04 DecemberI wish I had the right words to say to you…but all I can say is you are loved and not forgotten! xo, Biana
Jojo
Posted at 12:38h, 04 DecemberI’m sorry friend. There’s not a day that I dont include you in my prayers. I’m probably yelling out for u. I wish I could make this waiting game disappear. 🙁
Heather j
Posted at 13:48h, 04 DecemberI love your openness and honesty! I feel left behind in some areas of my life as well, it so hard to be thankful all the time. But God is faithful and even on the hard days its important to focus on that! Great post!
Emily, Our house now a home
Posted at 14:45h, 04 DecemberI am so sorry you are going through this and feel this way. I wish there was more I can say…..
Angie@chasingmyhalo
Posted at 15:19h, 04 DecemberYes, feeling Left Behind is the perfect way to describe this stage. I have loved reading the comments. They encourage me too, as do you. Not sure why God still had us here, but he is at work! Hugs to you Caroline!
Mindy Robinson
Posted at 16:05h, 04 DecemberI get it… I feel the same exact way… And why does Christmas have to be so hard? It magnifies all the hurt and loss even more. Loved reading the comments it makes me feel not so alone!
Charlotte
Posted at 16:09h, 04 DecemberOh girl…. I understand these emotions all too well. Just yesterday I sat in a fertility clinic for two hours, getting poked and prodded and peed in cups and bled in vials and, ugh (sorry that was way more descriptive than it needed to be, lol). Anyway, I understand so very well. And it sucks to feel left behind when friends begin to settle in with their families and you are still trying to reach that unmarked landmark hovering in the distance.
I’m always here if you ever want to discuss 🙂 Just saying. You’re not alone. I know that I’m comforted by that fact, and I hope that you are, too. XOXO so much love to you
Valerie
Posted at 16:37h, 04 DecemberGood for you to share your honest journey and feelings! I remember after my last possible fertility treatment going to Disneyland with my extended family and finding out it didn’t work in the “happiest place on earth” during Christmas but I felt like the saddest person on earth! Sending hugs your way!
Cheryl Smith
Posted at 16:56h, 04 DecemberOh, friend! I can so relate to that feeling. What you feel is real and deserves validation. Waiting on God is one of the hardest things EVER for us to do on this Christian journey. For what it’s worth, looking back, I can see that His timing was absolutely spot-on perfect in our situation. Had he sent our sweet Zachary to us right when we wanted Him to, a lot of things in our lives would have been different, and life is SO much sweeter and more peaceful for us to have him now. Through hindsight’s eyes, I can say, what a blessing, and thank you God for having us wait for 12 1/2 years and for reserving this until now. That is not so easy to do standing where you are, not knowing how long you will have to wait, and not being able to see any logic in the waiting. I SO understand. I know that doesn’t make it easier, but just want you to know that you are not alone, and I know how you feel.
Torthuil
Posted at 16:59h, 04 DecemberI enjoy reading your posts here and have not forgotten you or others in the blog world who are still waiting. Hugs.
Alexis Ward
Posted at 17:03h, 04 DecemberI’m sorry that you’re feeling this right now. I know that feeling way to well. Left behind. Forgotten. Just today I saw a post that 5 of my friends — 2 currently pregnant and 2 who have babies (plus one who is a nanny) all went to the zoo together. Out of no where a wave of feeling like I don’t belong came over me. I have to remind myself that I might now get to be a part of things now, but I KNOW that some day I will be a part. And when I’m there I’ll also know how to be so so sensitive to those who are still in the waiting. Hugs!
Marissa
Posted at 17:16h, 04 DecemberIt is so hard to feel left behind – while I don’t know the infertility road, I do know the left behind feeling very well. Leaning on God is the only what I get through the hard days.
tiffanyatouchofgrace
Posted at 17:29h, 04 DecemberI totally understand Caroline. Feeling left behind sucks. I’m sorry you’ve been feeling that way, but those that are still there for you will always be there, no matter what.
Lisa (@AmateurNester)
Posted at 18:00h, 04 DecemberOh, Caroline, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I pray God surrounds you with friends who make you feel loved, understood, and not forgotten- both online and in-person. Even though I don’t comment on all your posts, please know that I read them all and you are definitely not forgotten. So many people are praying for you and our Savior never stops thinking about you- not even for a second. Hugs.
Coupon Diva (@RealCouponDiva)
Posted at 18:49h, 04 DecemberGod is always with us – even when we don’t think He is
Jaclyn
Posted at 20:29h, 04 DecemberYes, feel ya. My emotions have been getting the best of me, too! And last night I said out loud to myself, “God, you are a good Dad and I know You have what’s best for me but it’s all within Your timing!” I am striving all the more lately to enjoy life and every step of this journey – no matter how hard it may be or what strange “twist” is around the next corner! 😉 LOL
Shakeira
Posted at 23:12h, 04 DecemberGod works best in situations that seem impossible. He is building your testimony! I am praying that he gives you the desires of your heart!
Susan
Posted at 00:21h, 05 DecemberSo hoping for you! Keep your chin up. Best wishes.
Susan
Ashley (@asilvertwig)
Posted at 03:10h, 05 DecemberI so feel you on this! We’ve been trying for 4 years and we’re still waiting. We’ve lost two and the pain has become almost unbearable. I’ll be praying for you and hope that God blesses you with a sweet little one soon.
Kim Adams Morgan
Posted at 09:29h, 05 DecemberFeeling your pain and knowing what this feels like, both in waiting for a child (Past) and in other areas of my life where I continue to wait and wait on God.
He is always listening. His plans are not our plans. The biggest thing I’ve learned in my time here is that if we try not to focus so much on what we want and listen (or look) for what He might be trying to bless us with, they may be very similar. And in the long run we may just end up with something more beautiful than we ever could have imagined.
You know my story, ask Him what He wants and trust in Him. He will bless you. Praying for you both. ❤
Laura O'Neill (@LauraOinAK)
Posted at 11:33h, 05 DecemberI think we all have an area of our lives where we might feel that we’ve been left behind. We see what others have and feel a longing in our hearts for the same. However, we each have a unique life to live and the journey will not be the same. Even within a similar vocation (such as married life) there are different ways in which it is fulfilled.
Waiting on God can be excruciatingly painful at times. What is even harder is if what we think we need at a given moment in time is not what God thinks we need. I have an area in my life where that’s been the case. And, the answers I get to prayers are not the ones I always want to hear.
Praying that God will shower you with His Grace and peace as you walk the road before you with your husband.
andthewindscreamsmary
Posted at 13:16h, 05 DecemberThis makes my heart break. I feel like this all the time and it makes me so sad that so many other wonderful, kind, compassionate women do too. Some days it just feels so unfair. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope that you, and me, and all other women going through this struggle will find peace.
Jonathan Key
Posted at 15:17h, 05 DecemberI’m so sorry you guys are going through this. Sometimes I feel like this. That we’re left behind. We were going to be missionaries in some country I can’t pronounce. Yet today we live in a nice home and I work a good job. People see the outward stuff but they don’t get the inward struggle. Honestly, some days I’m ready to throw in the towel with my marriage and my kids. But God gently reminds me that He’s not done with me yet. My parents gave me a t-shirt years ago as a teen that still reflects where I’m at today. It says, “Please be patient with me. God’s not done with me yet. Life under construction.”
Trust God’s promises. They are true. He will never leave us or forsake us. He is our strong tower!
Brianna George
Posted at 17:23h, 05 DecemberOh, Caroline. I see you. If only we lived closer.:)
Becky
Posted at 18:39h, 05 December“although I might be left behind by earthly people, I will never be left behind by my heavenly Father” This!
I am officially the last girl in my entire circle of friends without children. I feel so left behind! But I am beginning to be more mindful and thankful for this unique journey God has me on. So I’m learning to press into that uniqueness and appreciate being on the path less travelled.
JDurham74
Posted at 19:42h, 05 DecemberLord, I pray for Caroline right now/ I ask that you continue to renew her strength. I pray that you mount her up on wings as eagles. I thank you that as she runs the race, she will not be weary, and as she walks (and waits), she will not be faint. I thank You, Lord, that You are Faithful to Your Word. I pray for Colby, that You give him strength and wisdom as he leads his family. In Jesus Name, Amen.
Helen
Posted at 03:15h, 06 DecemberThank you for this post; it’s so easy to move along with life and forget where other people are, what their struggles are and what they are facing. All I know is that God is with us all when we wait, when we expect, when we receive, when things are taken away. I know that doesn’t always make the hard time easier, but God’s got this, He’s got all of us, wherever we are. Praying for you today that you would know his peace and love in new ways. And thank you again for the honesty and the transparency. It’s important. x
lifeofaministermom
Posted at 05:57h, 06 DecemberOh friend. I am praying for the day when your wait is over. Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable here…I’m so glad that through it all we have His Word to lean on. ?
Tara
Posted at 23:44h, 06 DecemberI remember feeling left behind after a Christmas party one year. I was shocked when one of my friends there called and apologized a couple days later for talking so much about their kids and not thinking of me. I really appreciated the simple act of kindness!
kristi
Posted at 00:29h, 07 DecemberHow powerfully true – you will never be left behind by your Holy Father! His timing and plan might not be what we had planned but we can glorify him through it, if we focus on it instead of the lies.
Rhonda
Posted at 14:16h, 09 DecemberHey Caroline, I totally get that you would feel this way!! You are the encourager – the one who leads the support groups and writes the blog posts we all relate to and who leaves uplifting comments – I think it is easy for us to rely on you and sometimes forget that you, too, feel despair, frustration, and loneliness. I’m sorry for my part in that! May I comfort you in that God never, ever forgets about you for even a millisecond. He cares about you. He will always be with you. He loves you. He wants good for you. Hugs!
shueey17
Posted at 14:41h, 14 DecemberThank you for such raw honesty! It is very courageous and beautiful. It also very comforting. I feel very left behind as far as getting married. All my friends are married and I just got broken up with 4 days ago. It is hard, but I try to remember that I am still completely valuable to God regardless of where I am at in life. I just keep my eyes on him. Praying for you!
Jenay
Posted at 08:51h, 15 DecemberThis post was perfect. My sister, my cousin, my best friend- all have moved on without me (I even started trying before them). My relationships with them have become forced and often akward. They are in a different phase of life than me, and its heartbreaking. Nothing to be done about it I guess, except to keep waiting and praying.
Sharika Ramseur
Posted at 00:19h, 20 FebruaryExactly how I felt ….totally left behind. Today I just want to quit . Why would God give me such a strong desire to be a mom if I can’t have children. ??? I know truth …I know His word but today ,just today ,the pain is undesirable.
Bake the Bun
Posted at 10:27h, 26 MarchWe enjoyed this post and thought others should also read it, so we added it to our “Recent Reads” post (http://bakethebun.blogspot.com/2016/03/recent-reads-march.html). I think it is hard for people who haven’t gone through infertility themselves to understand how difficult and frustrating it is to feel “left behind.” Keep blogging! 🙂
Scott LaPierre
Posted at 20:35h, 17 OctoberCaroline, I just want to say thanks for your transparency in this post. I think it will really encourage women with trouble having children. As a pastor, I’ve seen that as one of the most difficult trials for couples to endure.