A Letter to the Mom Who Didn’t Have to Wait
To the Mom who didn’t have to Wait,
I don’t understand what it’s like. I never will. It’s a foreign concept to me.
I don’t understand having a conversation with your husband regarding the timeline of when you want to have kids and it actually going according to your plan. I once thought that is how my story would be, but 4.5 years later and I can tell you it’s not that way for everyone.
4.5 years. Can you imagine waiting that long? The truth is, I don’t want you to imagine. It’s painful and it’s hard.
I’m writing because I want you to know how many women all over the world would do anything to be in your shoes, including me. Anything? Yes, anything. Spend tens of thousands of dollars. Inject medications in their bodies daily. Fly across country to see a better doctor. It’s not uncommon for their marriage to be on the line because of the turmoil that infertility brings. Or maybe they are like me, and are following God’s direction to be still and trust him for a miracle. Yet it’s been 56 months and there is still no miracle. Finances, dreams, hopes and desires are surrendered. And after that? So many are still waiting. The reality is 1 in 8 go through infertility and even after going through emotional, physical, spiritual and mental pain, as mentioned above, many women still go without a positive test or if they do, they miscarry, which leads to more waiting.
We are heartbroken. We are crushed. Our bodies are tired. Our minds are tired. Tired of it all.
To have a dream since childhood take so long is really, really hard. Especially knowing the same dream comes easy to so many. Add in not being able to leave the house without seeing the one thing desired, dreamed of, and hoped for and it’s really, really hard.
I am writing you to remind you to consider it a gift and a blessing that your story isn’t like mine. I am writing you to remind you that even on the hard days, there are millions who would trade you places in a second. I am writing you to remind you to be thoughtful of your words and maybe instead of complaining that it took you 3 months to conceive, consider it a blessing. Or instead of grumbling that you have 4 children of the same gender, consider it a blessing. Or maybe instead of grieving because you got pregnant so quickly with your 2nd, consider it a blessing.
Just like I will never understand what it’s like to get pregnant when I want, you will never understand what it’s like to wait. Our stories are different and I find peace in that. But whatever stage of motherhood you are in, please remember the moms in the making. There are women are all over the world who month after month and even year after year are told “not yet” and just like every other month, have to pick up the pieces, and hope that next month will be different. A month that will end with joy instead of a heartache. A month that will end with celebration, instead of tears. A month that will end with a positive pregnancy test, instead of a period.
While I can’t say I know how hard motherhood is, I have heard. Despite the exhaustion and the messy house and the kids that are driving you crazy, please know you are doing an amazing job and it’s a job so many, including myself, dream of having. I look up to you and respect you for having the hardest job in the world and despite how hard and tiring it is, I would do anything, yes anything, to be in your shoes.
My Prior Letters: