Our Fertility Update
If I were to be real honest with you, I would let you know that I don’t love doing fertility updates like these. No, no one is making me write this, however, it’s been almost a year since my last fertility update, so I figured it was time and what better time than during National Infertility Awareness Week to share. Just recently, at the beginning of April I celebrated my 5 year anniversary of blogging, which was a very bittersweet milestone for me. Because 5 years of blogging, also means 5 years of infertility and that is a tough pill to swallow. I often wonder how we got here. Not only how we got here, but I wonder how we are still here, too.
There is a reason I don’t like doing these updates and it’s because I hate that I have to share that as far as pregnancy goes, we have gone yet another year with no changes to our situation. God has continued to spoil us with love and peace in the wait and has continued to speak to us over the past year, which has been amazing. But that doesn’t lessen the pain that comes from waiting. It doesn’t lessen the desire to have kids NOW (or let’s be honest, 5 years ago when we really wanted them). It doesn’t lessen that the more time that goes on, the harder it gets. It doesn’t lessen that now more than ever I feel like I don’t belong. It doesn’t lessen that I am tired. Tired of waiting. Tired of asking. Tired of praying. Tired of believing. Just tired.
So my update? It’s another year of not having an update. It’s another year of sharing that we are still hopeful and we are still expectant. It’s another year of sharing that we won’t give up on our dream and desire. It’s another year of believing that our breakthrough is going to happen soon. It’s another year of trusting we are on the correct path, believing God for a miracle, even though the path of adoption or fertility treatments seem like a better road to go down. It’s another year of surrendering our fertility journey to the Lord, admitting that we can do nothing to bring our baby, but he can do everything.
I wish I didn’t have to do an update like this. I wish I was announcing that we were pregnant. But as I have figured out over the years, my wishes don’t always happen. Life doesn’t look like I though it would or how I wanted it. But it doesn’t mean there isn’t still plenty of sweet, even in the bitter. It doesn’t mean God isn’t good, even in the waiting.
My hope is there won’t be an update like this next year. My hope is that we won’t know what it’s like to wait 6 years to become pregnant. My hope is that someday soon we will be celebrating a miracle. My hope is that at the end of our journey, whether it’s months or years, that we will look back and see how God was in the details of every day, working out the most perfect plan, not only for our good, but more importantly, for his glory.
Thank you to each person who has been on our journey with us. Thank you to those who haven’t tried to fix our situation, but have instead offered love. Thank you to those who have prayed, because we truly believe every prayer matters. And thank you to those who haven’t given up on us, but who have remained steadfast in believing that someday soon we will be parents.
Pictures: Rachel Chism • Jewelry: Stella & Dot • Bunting: Busy Mom Party Planning
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