This Is Infertility

Infertility. It’s month after month of waiting. It’s attending baby showers. It’s hosting baby showers. It’s going to gender reveal parties. It’s celebrating with friends. It’s bringing meals to new mothers and meeting their newborn babies.

It’s having friends who are scared to tell you they are pregnant. It’s having friends who avoid you all together. It’s having friends who have already completed their family. It’s having friends who have already birthed multiple kids even though they started trying after you. It’s losing friends too.

This is infertility.

It’s babysitting your friends babies. It’s being the only sibling without kids. It’s taking care of babies in the church nursery. It’s attending events and being the only non-mom there. It’s trying to engage in those same conversations by talking about your niece and nephew just so you feel like you can relate.

It’s seeing announcements weekly on facebook and instagram. It’s hearing from others who are pregnant that they didn’t even want kids, ‘just looked at each other’ and got pregnant, weren’t trying for kids, got pregnant while on on birth control, or don’t even know who the father of the baby is.

This is infertility.

It’s going to Buy Buy Baby and Babies ‘R’ Us to buy baby presents. It’s not being able to go out in public without seeing the one thing you want the most. It’s being the only one left in various groups of friends without kids. It’s starting an infertility support group and celebrating 20 other babies while you haven’t had one yet.

It’s having a fridge door full of baby announcements and shower invitations. It’s having to constantly answer the question, “when are you having kids?” It’s being told if you ‘just adopted’, ‘just went on vacation’, ‘stopped thinking about it’, or ‘took a break’ then you would get pregnant.

This is infertility.

It’s feeling like you don’t belong, feeling all alone, and feeling like you are a burden to those around you. It’s taking the road last traveled. It’s taking a path that most don’t understand. It’s being hopeful and waiting expectantly only to be surprised when it once again it isn’t the month. It’s not knowing when the journey will end. It’s having hope the wait will be over soon while knowing the reality is that it might be many more years before it ends.

It’s taking lots of vitamins. Its changing eating habits. It’s waking up to cramps and a period that painfully remind you another month has passed without pregnancy. It’s being told by doctors that you will never have kids, yet having the faith to believe you will. And even though we don’t fall into this category, for most it’s pills, shots, drugs, blood draws, doctors appointments, procedures, surgeries, and thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars.

This is infertility.

It’s having your desires and dreams since a little girl put on hold. It’s lots of tears. It’s lots of pain. It’s lots of heartache. This is infertility. This is my reality each and every day. This has been my reality for 3.5 years. This truly is infertility.

Did you see I launched a podcast? A Cup Full of Hope Podcast is now available for you to listen to!

If you are going through infertility, please head over to join the faith-based support group I founded, Moms in the Making!

Have you picked up a copy of my book? Buy In Due Time, a 60-day devotional for hope + encouragement in the waiting.

I created a group on facebook as an extension of my book + blog to discuss anything + everything. Women only! Come join us!

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This is infertility - In due time blog

  • Megan Davis
    Posted at 06:18h, 16 September Reply

    Absolutely beautiful!! Your heart is so sweet and your honesty is so encouraging! Infertility is not a journey anyone wants or desires, but I am so thankful for women like you that take this walk by my side. May you not lose heart, my friend!

  • Marianne
    Posted at 06:21h, 16 September Reply

    Oh this is perfect. And heartbreaking. Xxxx

  • Cheryl Smith
    Posted at 06:39h, 16 September Reply

    Oh, sweet friend! Wish I could reach across the miles and give you a big, comforting hug! I can’t, but Jesus can. Praying for you right now. Thank you for not only sharing your heart here, but for the comfort your provide to others who are suffering.

  • Anne
    Posted at 07:16h, 16 September Reply

    Perfectly and devastatingly put. Hoping your turn is next.

  • Grace
    Posted at 07:23h, 16 September Reply

    Yes yes yes. You said it like it is. What is there to do but trust God with the ashes and believe His goodness, even when the gifts are hard and painful. That somehow He will bring LIFE from the barrenness. Praying for you and all my IF sisters~

  • marisa
    Posted at 07:30h, 16 September Reply

    yes, yes, yes. You express the bitter sweet world of this journey perfectly. Thank you for this post and your honestly and vulnerability. A reminder that we are not alone.

  • Kimberly
    Posted at 07:58h, 16 September Reply

    You took the words right out of my mouth. I believe I’ll share this on my FB.

  • Katie
    Posted at 08:16h, 16 September Reply

    Thank you so much for sharing this. My husband and I are having a really hard time conceiving, and about a year ago we were diagnosed with unexplained infertility. It is such a sad journey to make.

  • Sarah J
    Posted at 08:20h, 16 September Reply

    Praying for you friend. This is heartbreaking but so well written. Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your heart

  • Ryanne
    Posted at 08:27h, 16 September Reply

    Oh. My. Heart. A thousand times yes. This is everything we have experienced in the last 4 years. It’s truly the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. Thank you for putting it into words. ♡

  • Erika B.
    Posted at 08:32h, 16 September Reply

    THIS. You describe it perfectly. And I hate that this is still your reality. Believing with you for miracles.

  • Allison - Celebrating Sweets
    Posted at 08:33h, 16 September Reply

    My heart goes out to you. I struggled with infertility for years, and I was finally able to conceive after several rounds of IVF. Best of luck to you on this difficult and uncertain journey.

  • Laura
    Posted at 08:37h, 16 September Reply

    Thank you for this beautiful and vulnerable post. My heart and hope and faith go out to you.

  • amanda
    Posted at 08:42h, 16 September Reply

    I wish so much that this wasn’t your reality. Praying for peace and comfort and for a miracle baby for you and Colby!

  • Tanya @ the sky and back
    Posted at 08:42h, 16 September Reply

    Oh, Caroline. Thank you for sharing your feelings so beautifully. This post made me cry — both because it so eloquently captured the experience of infertility, and also because it brought into focus that even though we all struggle separately, we are not alone. I’m glad that we have each other here on the blogs to support one another. Hugs to you and Colby. I hope your miracle is on its way soon. Xo.

  • Ted
    Posted at 08:44h, 16 September Reply

    Dear Caroline, Thank you for sharing this. Not many people would be as courageous. My wife and I are childless. Although women bear the burden most noticeably, please remember us men share it with you. My wife and I kept hoping we’d have children of our own. It just didn’t happen, and we wonder why we didn’t adopt. We’re both teachers and like to think our misfortune benefited the kids we taught somehow. We hope it did. The feeling of being less than (a man / woman) plagues us. We’re old enough to have grandchildren that we could play with and spoil. That’s just not a gift we will ever have, and it leaves a hole that can’t be filled. It’s the one issue where we’re jealous of others. You and your husband are in my prayers. God bless and take care.

  • Staci
    Posted at 08:55h, 16 September Reply

    Your strength is inspirational. I grieve for you. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through but know I’m always here for you. You’re my best and longest friend and not a day goes by that I’m not praying for your baby. You will be a mom and an amazing one at that. I love you my dear friend.

  • Patti
    Posted at 09:06h, 16 September Reply

    My heart aches for your pain, friend. May you find peace in your journey.

  • Isabelle
    Posted at 09:34h, 16 September Reply

    Other than the activities that relate to baby showers and gender reveal parties, I can relate to most of the things that you wrote. You have a much bigger heart than I do. It has also been 3.5 years, almost 4 years for us. I can say that, although our paths are different, I know your pain. Just want to reach out and give you a virtual big hug. Pray that God will continue to give you strength and perseverance on this long and hard road. <3

  • Audrey
    Posted at 09:45h, 16 September Reply

    Wow. Your words are so honest. My best friend struggled with infertility and was blessed with a daughter 1.5 years into her journey. My husband and I are just setting out on this crazy adventure but I have no idea when, where, or how we’ll end up. Your words are just so pure and from the heart.

  • Elisha
    Posted at 11:14h, 16 September Reply

    so true! Thank you for sharing your heart sugars! I am always thinking and praying for you! Our time will come 😉 xo

  • Ann
    Posted at 11:15h, 16 September Reply

    Oh how true & heartbreaking. I’m so sorry you’ve been going thru this.

  • Elena
    Posted at 11:15h, 16 September Reply

    You’ve hit the nail on the head for sure Caroline! Been feeling the same way for 4 years now… Wishing I knew when it would end, but not ever knowing for sure if it will, at least the way we want it to. Thanks for sharing. ??

  • Rebecca Jo
    Posted at 11:17h, 16 September Reply

    Yes it is… every bit of that.
    & then you get to my age after all of what you said & you feel like you cant even join an infertility group because you passed the age of being able to have a baby… so its a whole other group 🙁 whew… its tough

  • Christina
    Posted at 11:25h, 16 September Reply

    Praying for God’s blessings for you and for all of your dreams to come true.

  • Mallory Halverson
    Posted at 12:20h, 16 September Reply

    Absolutely spot on. Rooting for you!

  • Marissa
    Posted at 12:26h, 16 September Reply

    As an infertility survivor, this post really hit home. I can remember feeling as if it would never happen for us. That I would never fulfill something I felt so called to do. Luckily, after 6 months of treatment we conceived and carried our little girl (ironically it was the same month we finished our adoption classes).

    I will keep you in my heart. Please know you are not alone.

  • Kim Adams Morgan
    Posted at 12:28h, 16 September Reply

    Oh Caroline, I feel the weight of every word you are writing here, and I know the pain of wanting this joy so badly. Of waiting for it for so long. I wish I had an answer as to why it comes so easily to some and it is so difficult for others. All the painful surgeries I went through to preserve this gift, only to be told I’d never carry a child when I tried. My heart still aches when I hear a baby cry sometimes. My husband sees the tears and knows.

    Don’t ever give up hope and faith. God is in the miracle business. They happen every day as life enters the world.

  • Shann
    Posted at 12:32h, 16 September Reply

    Even though this was probably incredibly hard to write, and even harder to live, it’s so important you are sharing this. You will help so many women not feel alone in their struggle and be able to find support.

  • Joy
    Posted at 12:47h, 16 September Reply

    Just reading this article breaks me. I feel as if this is my story. But I know that I am not alone, in God’s own time, I will be a mother and you certainly will too Caroline. You have such a good heart. God will remember us like he remembered Hannah. Remain hopeful??????

  • Amanda
    Posted at 14:57h, 16 September Reply

    Beautiful. I hate that this is any of our stories, but I’m trusting that the God who redeems will redeem your years of waiting.

  • Rae
    Posted at 15:50h, 16 September Reply

    I’m glad you’re being so candid about your struggles. Thank you for writing this for everyone to share and learn from. xoxo

  • Alexis
    Posted at 19:09h, 16 September Reply

    Wow. Yes and yes. Every word of this is the painful truth. It’s also the choice to believe that God is bigger, God is able and God can do immeasurably more than ALL we ASK or IMAGINE.

  • Mrs. E
    Posted at 20:44h, 16 September Reply

    Your words are so true, and so heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time. I pray that you don’t have much longer to wait. Xoxo

  • Holly
    Posted at 21:34h, 16 September Reply

    <3 Caroline. I was so there and I so remember these feelings like it was yesterday. When I lost Jude and Brinly I felt like people avoided me of not knowing what to say. I hated it. When I would attend "surprise" announcements, I would feel like all eyes were watching my reaction. The trenches are deep and the hardest part is not knowing when it will end. Your faith is beautiful.

  • Jennie
    Posted at 21:56h, 16 September Reply

    Love your tender heart, sweet friend. Praying for peace and hope as your journey continues- you are so loved and surrounded by so many people who are lifting you up constantly. Loves you!!

  • Melissa D
    Posted at 22:08h, 16 September Reply

    Incredibly well-written, Caroline. Thank you for making it easier for us to understand!

  • Mindy
    Posted at 23:03h, 16 September Reply

    Just had to comment because OH I feel your pain, girl. I give you major props that you are able to go to baby showers and even walk into a Babies-R-Us. I have not been in a place to do so after our IVF losses. Living in a fallen world just plain sucks… but thankful that one day heaven will be our forever home, and there will be no more pain and heartache! Some days thats my only hope. You are on my prayer list and I pray for you often! Thanks for sharing your heart. xoxo

  • Angie Scheie
    Posted at 01:27h, 17 September Reply

    I love each and every one of your posts and feel uplifted because you get it. You get me. In my limited world where sometimes I do feel truly alone it’s comforting finding this community, even though I pray that your circumstances change. Thank you for your heart in writing to this issue!

  • Angie Scheie
    Posted at 01:31h, 17 September Reply

    I love each and every one of your posts because you get it, and therefore it feels like you get me! I hate that we are all in this place, but I love the community that it provides. Thank you for continuing to speak to this issue and uplifting many around you (including me!)

  • Cindy Hasko
    Posted at 02:38h, 17 September Reply

    I read your blog post. Amazing. I wanted to hug you. You are so strong, you truly are!! God is holding you in His hands, His time. xoxo

  • Luisa
    Posted at 07:44h, 17 September Reply

    Its being told “if you just let it be” or “stop stressing”…it’s feeling guilty for feeling a pang of jealousy when someone who was not trying gets pregnant. It’s feeling frustrated when you see teenage moms while you are waiting at the infertility clinic which shares the waiting room with general OB. But here’s to not giving up…

  • Jessi |
    Posted at 08:57h, 17 September Reply

    Thank you for sharing your heart. This is all so very true. <3

  • Susannah
    Posted at 11:22h, 17 September Reply

    My heart breaks for you, dear girl! Just know that I pray for you often! <3

  • Cathy
    Posted at 11:45h, 17 September Reply

    Honest, compelling, and heartbreaking. Thank you for being so real and authentic about your journey.Truly a beautiful thing to share with others.

  • Lauren Gaskill | Making Life Sweet
    Posted at 11:49h, 17 September Reply

    I have hypothalamic amenorrhea and though my husband and I haven’t started trying yet, I know that I might face a future similar to what you are going through. Thank you for this honest post and sharing your raw feelings with us. This is comforting to my husband and I, as we look to have children someday, to know that we are not alone. God is in control! You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  • Kelli {A Deeper Joy}
    Posted at 13:31h, 17 September Reply

    And….I shouldn’t have read that at work. I’m crying. Know that you’re an encouragement to me, Caroline!

  • Marissa
    Posted at 14:57h, 17 September Reply

    I wish I had the right words to share, just know that you will be in my prayers.


  • Marielle
    Posted at 19:11h, 17 September Reply

    What a beautiful post! I have had a taste of what you’re feeling when I miscarried my first baby. But, you are in my prayers! Don’t give up hope, God is faithful!

  • Angie
    Posted at 19:56h, 17 September Reply

    Beautiful encouraging words – for those of us supporting ones in your shoes as well.

  • Katie @ Beyond the Clothing
    Posted at 20:35h, 17 September Reply

    oh my heart just pours out for you, and others struggling. I hope your post, and others like it, remind a few more people, to be a little more sensitive. I hope you find the perfect solution to make your family even more perfect. I’m sure there are lots of women out there that are glad to hear their thoughts, in this post.


  • Denise
    Posted at 21:19h, 17 September Reply

    I struggled with infertility and secondary infertility so I understand that. Really hard!

  • Danielle
    Posted at 22:00h, 17 September Reply

    I really appreciate this. I’m struggling with infertility due to PCOS. I have two kids but I want a bigger family, it seems my body has stopped cooperating though. This was like getting a hug from someone who understands.

  • Síochána Arandomhan
    Posted at 23:03h, 17 September Reply

    So many very different people experience infertility, yet I’m sure every one of them could identify with all or most of this post. hugs to you.

    Posted at 06:24h, 18 September Reply

    this was just so raw and honest. and true for those of us who don’t have children.

  • Melanie
    Posted at 08:10h, 18 September Reply

    I wish this wasn’t your experience. Thank you for sharing what was probably a very difficult post to write.

  • Jody
    Posted at 10:24h, 18 September Reply

    Thank yo for sharing. The part I could relate to the most was about adoption… well that’s not true after 10 1/2 years, I’ve heard it all. As you know my husband, and I have adopted, so we’re total advocates for it. But, for someone to imply that adoption is like a “bandaid” until God gives you a better blessing hurts my heart. I have no doubt that God has kept my womb closed for all of these years, so my husband and I would be ready at the right time to adopt our daughter, and our, soon to be, new addition. I believe one day God will open my womb, but until then my greatest blessings will be birthed in my heart.

  • Tiffany (A Touch of Grace)
    Posted at 10:36h, 18 September Reply

    My heart breaks for you each month that there’s no baby Caroline. But your faith in God is truly undeniable and you are an inspiration to so many. Praying that soon God will see that it’s time for you two to be parents. xoxo

  • Pamela
    Posted at 12:43h, 18 September Reply

    It’s heartbreaking — a little bit each day. Bless you for writing so others won’t feel so alone.

  • Annie
    Posted at 00:27h, 20 September Reply

    Great idea! im not sure the group is for me, I’m no longer trying. After three failed pregnancies I gave up. God has a plan but it’s evidently not for me to have kids. I’m now 53 and. Trying. To get along without the one thing I wanted more than anything. Thank God for my good marriage.

  • Natalie
    Posted at 09:41h, 21 September Reply

    I remember the pain upon hearing and the pain on the face of a friend who was afraid to tell me she was pregnant. Things worked out great for me in the end – we have 2 beautiful children, but I remember the journey well. Thanks for sharing.

  • Amie
    Posted at 10:04h, 21 September Reply

    All of this is so true and my prayer is for you and your babies every day. I await the day that you announce that God has sent them and that they are on the way. OXOX

  • Rhonda
    Posted at 14:35h, 22 September Reply

    Thank you for your honesty and for not ending it on a pretty note, just for keeping it real.

  • dacounsel
    Posted at 18:13h, 22 September Reply

    Thank you for sharing your journey. God bless you-praying that your dreams will come true.

  • Rachel G
    Posted at 00:59h, 23 September Reply

    I’m sorry that you have to face this–and have been facing it for years. I hope that you are able to look forward to the future with hope in spite of the hurt and disappointment in the past.

  • Coupon Diva (@RealCouponDiva)
    Posted at 04:58h, 23 September Reply

    praying…..and remember Hannah…and how God ultimately blessed her…

  • Wendy
    Posted at 08:14h, 23 September Reply

    Thank you for sharing your struggle with infertility! I have several friends who are going through this struggle, and I cannot imagine how difficult it must be! Do you have advice for how friends can help and support someone who’s struggling with infertility?

  • Cindy Magee
    Posted at 08:47h, 23 September Reply

    Thank you for sharing. My husband and I were married 9 years before our first pregnancy and that ended in a miscarriage, then had a boy, then a miscarriage, then a girl and another boy. Now my sister is 7 years in to her infertility journey and these are good reminders of how to love her and just be support for her in whatever way she needs.

  • Val @ Love My DIY Home
    Posted at 09:38h, 23 September Reply

    Do you have any advice for us on how to comfort and care for someone dealing with this? What should we say? What should we not say? Should we ask them what they want? Should we never broach the subject because it is too painful? I have some kids who are dealing with this, and approaching it bravely. I had a little trouble (only have one tube) so I adopted 13 special needs kids to add to the two I was able to have, 9 years apart. I remember the disappointment month after month. But then I went a different route to fill my family, though that road was not an easy one either. Your inside advice would be helpful. Fell free to PM me. Blessings!

    • Kayla I. Shown-Dean
      Posted at 10:14h, 23 September Reply

      Yes! This is may question too. What should we say? How should we comfort those with infertility?

  • Amanda
    Posted at 10:14h, 23 September Reply

    I understand part of what you’re going through, but at the same time I feel as though I can’t understand at all. Either way, your post is beautifully written. I hope you find healing in the Lord and continue to stay strong. You a beautiful woman and I’m sure a wonderful wife.

  • Kayla I. Shown-Dean
    Posted at 10:14h, 23 September Reply

    Wow! You really nailed this. Thank you for sharing.

  • Shani
    Posted at 10:36h, 23 September Reply

    Your story is quite touching and a reminder to all of us to be more sensitive to those around us who do not have children. I’m sure that your sharing your journey will help many women who are going through the same thing. Thank you for sharing your story.

  • Robin
    Posted at 11:01h, 23 September Reply

    Your writing is raw and real. I have friends with fertility issues, or desires for children but are unmarried, that have shared much of what you did here. Thank you for vulnerably sharing so we can not simply sympathize with you, but “know” the struggle for others we love.

  • Chicki
    Posted at 11:48h, 23 September Reply

    Thank you so much for sharing this! I know so many others can relate to it! I also know that if you keep your faith in God, He will definitely bless you with that child.

  • Sarah
    Posted at 11:51h, 23 September Reply

    This made me cry. It’s been my life too.

  • madkat
    Posted at 13:46h, 23 September Reply

    Thank you for pouring out your heart in honesty and vulnerability. Infertility is not a life you choose, but how you deal with is it. And you deal with it in a way that reveals an absolutely beautiful character.
    God calls us each to a life that we often times don’t want, but stay strong, stay courageous, stay honest, and stay real. Continue to enjoy your marriage, and support your husband as he struggles, too.
    Again, thank you!

  • Mary Gilbert (My Life In Progress)
    Posted at 18:28h, 23 September Reply

    Thanks for sharing with us at #JoyHopeLive!

  • Georgia Lynne
    Posted at 18:55h, 23 September Reply

    Thank you for sharing your journey with us! I struggled with this problem for a long time. My long awaited and much hoped for first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. Several years later I did become pregnant and was able to carry my child to full term. He is my only child and the light of my life. He just celebrated his 40th birthday. I longed to have more children, but it just wasn’t to be.

  • kellycoxathome
    Posted at 19:02h, 23 September Reply

    I’ve followed your blog off and on this year. Infertility, which I know well, is so painful. But God is good – as you know. Your explanation of infertility is perfect. Ps. 112:7 is our verse for this…. I send this with a prayer for you guys!

  • outoftheboxmama
    Posted at 21:33h, 23 September Reply

    My heart goes out to you, dear one. I’m incredibly blessed to have never struggled with infertility and my heart goes out to those who have. Your writing really gets to the heart of your struggle. We’re all given a path to walk and you will be able to walk with so many because you will know their struggles. Keep standing in faith!

  • Maureen
    Posted at 12:20h, 24 September Reply

    It is my hope and prayer that your faith and belief will get you through this difficult struggle and that your prayers will be answered.

  • Deanna
    Posted at 13:11h, 24 September Reply

    My daughter is going through this right now, and this post brought tears to my eyes. My heart aches for both of you.

  • Trudie
    Posted at 15:38h, 24 September Reply

    Ahhh. I’m so sorry. My dear friend also struggles with this. every single month. She recently had a hysterectomy, she has found some healing in the fact that the unknown and anticipation is over.

    It is hard to be on your end, it is hard to be the friend with the children, wondering how to help you. 🙁

    One thing I am so thankful for is my friend, she has adopted my children as her own. She is an amazing help and friend to my children.

    I’m praying right now that what ever God has in store for you that you and your husband may find peace in where God has you. True peace.

    Hugs to you, Trudie

  • Riva Sue
    Posted at 16:56h, 24 September Reply

    I’ve been where you are. I was the girl who named her first child at the age of eight. Fast forward, two very early miscarragies (like one month or less), and many dreams later still childless.

    I’d like to say the pain goes away, but it doesn’t. It does become less, or at least it dulls to some degree.

    You can make choices, but it’s not the same when the heart wants your own.

    You may, like me find there was a reason much later. My guy’s adult son lives next door to us now, and there are days I am grateful I did not need to harm a young child.

  • nwt2772
    Posted at 17:39h, 24 September Reply

    Your honesty is so touching and heartbreaking. I am rooting for you and praying you get your precious gift.

  • Sandy Sandmeyer
    Posted at 19:58h, 24 September Reply

    How beautifully raw and heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing your open heart with us readers to help us get just a little understanding of what you and your husband are dealing with.

  • Tiki
    Posted at 21:48h, 24 September Reply

    I have friends who are unable to have children and my heart breaks for them. I’m always mindful of what I say to them because I don’t want to hurt them in any way. I can’t imagine the struggle of infertility.

  • Michanda
    Posted at 22:27h, 24 September Reply

    I love the sincerity of your post. Most people don’t keep it as real as you for the fear of shame, but I love your openness. Great Post! Keep believing and don’t give up hope. If you need motivation think of Sarah and Hannah in the bible. Glean from their faith victories and know that God is not a respecter of persons. If He did it for them… Girl you know He has you and your husband! Keep Shining, Michanda

  • We Are 1 in 6
    Posted at 06:05h, 25 September Reply

    Caroline this post is so on point, so raw. Thank you so much for sharing x

  • catcallsbeth
    Posted at 12:41h, 25 September Reply

    Thanks for sharing your touching story. I hope your dreams come true.

  • Margarita Ibbott (@DownshiftingPRO)
    Posted at 14:20h, 25 September Reply

    This is a very hard story to tell. I am a big advocate of having publicly funded treatment for infertility (I am Canadian). It is coming slowly but surely, province by province. Believe me when I say I hope only the best for you and your spouse on this tedious journey.

  • Anne-Marie
    Posted at 20:36h, 27 September Reply

    I never had the chance to try to have a child and now I am past the age of child bearing. I remember being relieved to get past the years of my friends having weddings and children. Now I am getting through the years of my friends having the grandchildren I will never have. It’s hard sometimes. I don’t know why some of us experience this nor will I promise you that God will bless you with a child. I do not know the plans of God in your life. I often don’t know them in my own life!

    But I will promise you that his comfort is there for you. I pray you and your husband will find his comfort. God bless you for sharing so openly and for the comfort you are giving to others who feel alone in their pain.

  • Amanda
    Posted at 22:42h, 28 September Reply

    Your openness is beautiful and sad! It’s these experiences and feelings that you’re having that has pushed me into surrogacy. Recently, I was asked why I would risk even the smallest possible danger to my own health and be a surrogate for a person or couple who could likely (or 100%) not do it without me. This. This is why. These feelings along with the millions of other things that I’m sure people feel who are denied a child. I look forward to the day I can change just one intended parent’s life forever and see the utter joy on their face! I wish you luck and send you lots of love in your journey.

  • Heather j
    Posted at 21:47h, 10 October Reply

    This post is so raw and honest. Its beautiful and heartbreaking all at once. My heart aches for you, only God can fill this void, only He can truly comfort you! Its so hard to understand His will, to understand His purpose, but whatever may come we must keep our hearts trusting Him. It’s so inspiring to read about your trust and love for the Lord through all of this! I will be praying for you often sweet friend! ❤


  • Carissa
    Posted at 10:28h, 13 October Reply

    Been there. Still there, actually. But I have one beautiful little daughter now, so I never take being a mother for granted even though I wish I could have another child. I remember very well the 6 years of wishing to be pregnant, so my heart connects with this post <3

  • Kitty Irene
    Posted at 12:55h, 20 October Reply

    So true! Thank you for sharing this.

  • Laura @ Making Baby Provence
    Posted at 11:04h, 27 October Reply

    I don’t really have a comment to leave because I don’t really have good words for this one. It’s perfect is what it is. I am grateful you wrote this. Someday, someday, I will be able to hug your neck and tell you in person that you’re not alone. You’re so awesomely strong.

  • Sherry
    Posted at 20:17h, 02 November Reply

    This is everything I’ve felt for the past 4 1/2 years & have not been able to vocalize. Thank you for putting into words exactly how I feel. It is encouraging and comforting to know I am not alone.

  • Emma
    Posted at 02:24h, 30 December Reply

    This is a beautiful post that captures the feelings so well. I suffered 2 years infertility and have now been blessed with two children but my heart goes out to anyone still in that void as you never forget x

  • Her Sword
    Posted at 09:55h, 31 December Reply

    Thanks for sharing- I GET all of those feelings! ??? praying for our babies! ?

  • lifewithyou1222
    Posted at 11:02h, 31 December Reply

    So perfectly true. I so understand. Praying for your miracle baby!

  • Andrea
    Posted at 14:51h, 31 December Reply

    as we stay close to God – if He did it for Hannah….

  • lindsay
    Posted at 16:44h, 24 February Reply

    I could not have said it better myself…this truly is infertility. I’m right there with you as we venture through all of these feelings! I found your blog recently and I find it so comforting to read things like this. Thank you for sharing.

  • Debbie Williams
    Posted at 07:53h, 18 March Reply

    Beautiful post. Supporting loved ones that are walking in your shoes.

  • provokeasmile
    Posted at 08:19h, 28 March Reply

    This is all so totally true and rings so close to home. Thank you for sharing and I wish you the BEST of luck along your journey! I am sending your virtual hugs and a reassuring reminder that you are not alone and we will fight through this together!

  • Hannah
    Posted at 11:50h, 26 April Reply

    There’s more to life than having a child. I was told at 17 that I’d never be able to bear a child. I’m now 25 and I’m all the more happy for it. I can live my life and support my friends and family to the fullest. I get to be the best aunt ever, because I can be there and help my brother with his kids. I get to help my young friends with their kids. Just because I can’t have my own, that doesn’t make those others less mine.

    My purpose in life is not to have kids. My purpose is to give love.

  • Lindsy Morais
    Posted at 08:31h, 06 July Reply

    Beautifully written!!!

  • Nikki
    Posted at 07:30h, 09 August Reply

    Thank you for this! I just found your blog through your comment on an SRT study and what a blessing it is! My husband and I have been married for four years last month and have been trying for children nearly the whole time. I miscarried in February and since then the desire for a baby has deepened and the heartbreak each month has intensified so greatly that I’ve been thinking about looking into treatments or adoption. I haven’t been told yet that I can’t have children, but after so many years of trying and the miscarriage I am discouraged. I am so glad you are speaking truth boldly about such a difficult and private subject. And it is encouraging and enlightening to see your natural approach. Blessings to you and I will be praying for you a and your husband!

  • April
    Posted at 21:47h, 08 September Reply

    This described my life while waiting for my miracle baby!! It took us 3.5 years, and a miscarriage, until I got pregnant. Your turn is coming! ❤️

  • Brooke
    Posted at 14:34h, 18 September Reply

    Very well written. I agree with everything you have written, that is my life with infertility too. I am also 1 out of 8 and am going through IVF treatment within the last couple months. I waiting now to do my FET by the end of October. May God give you strength while you travel this journey. You’ll be in my prayers.

  • Lauren
    Posted at 22:01h, 14 October Reply

    Love this!! This is the hardest longest journey I have ever been through. this is all so so so so true!
    It’s been 5.5 years- 20 rounds of several oral drugs – 2 surgeries- 2 pregnancies – 2 miscarriages- hollistaoc aporoaches x2 – and now IVF– started Wednesday time will tell fingers crossed.

  • Holly
    Posted at 13:28h, 29 October Reply

    Oh my. every single word has described our past 8 years so perfectly….My heart has been crushed this past year and we do not know how to crawl out of this pit of despair…
    (Do you ship your In Due Time book to Canada?)

  • Lindley
    Posted at 13:25h, 12 December Reply

    I know this post is old, but wow, you perfectly and eloquently wrote down every thought I’ve had over the past year. Thank you for writing this. Thank you for making me smile even though this is a hard thing to write about, talk about, and live daily. Thank you for your book, even though I just started it, the first few pages have made me cry and made my heart swell with hope and promise. Thank you for being a voice. As I pray for myself, the handful of other infertile friends, and the millions of couples with it as well, I will pray for you and your husband!

  • Flo de Guzman
    Posted at 18:07h, 06 January Reply

    I read this, and THIS IS ME.
    It’s also about being brave, and for me *despite my advanced age being hopeful that my sister’s eggs (which we’ve been told are old at 36) will grow into a baby inside me & being accepting that although it won’t really be mine, it’s close enough & I will FINALLY be a mom. Crossing fingers it works sometime this summer. Hugs and tearful smiles from another woman who is INFERTILE but brave, hopeful, accepting, & full of love for a sister who is also wanting me your be a mom, like her.

  • Kim
    Posted at 22:15h, 26 February Reply

    I’ve been reading though the infertility posts on your blog… in a long season where it is very easy to feel alone and no one understands, it is nice to find someone does. Everything you stated in your blog and so much more is truth of what this journey is like… running across your blog tonight was helpful to my heart. My hubby and I are almost 8 years into infertility… and today is the day of the month I dread… the day the devil tries to hurt my heart with doubt, pain, stress, worry, and fear. I am in God’s word to fight him as I know to do and your words of what it is like to be in infertility is accurate and the rest of your posts I have read so far hit right to what it feel and is like to not have your miracle while it seem everyone around you does. Thank you for your honesty as right now it helps me to feel a little less alone even though you wrote it so long ago.
    “Through faith also Sarah herself received strength to conceive seed, and was delivered of a child when she was past age, because she judged him faithful who had promised” Hebrews 11:11

  • Kristy
    Posted at 12:07h, 11 March Reply

    My husband and I have also been trying for 3.5 years and each day is a struggle to keep the faith and be happy for friends and family that become pregnant.. it’s such a struggle in my heart. I’ve read this post at least 5 times in the past couple days and it really helps.
    Thanks so much for sharing.

  • Tyler Koch
    Posted at 11:53h, 15 June Reply

    This post is spot on! Love your heart Caroline. Can’t wait to see you holding your blessings in your arms. You are encouraging & reaching so many women with His truth. Thanks for being obedient in this season <3

  • Jennifer Weitz
    Posted at 14:23h, 15 June Reply

    This was one of the first posts I read when diving into the IF community a couple of years ago. It’s still one of the best posts I have read to explain the emotional rollercoaster that is infertility. Praising God for all the gifts He has given you, and that you’re willing to share those gifts to bless others.

  • Lindsey Lightle
    Posted at 21:32h, 17 June Reply

    This is spot on!! Thank you for putting it into words!

  • Yolanda
    Posted at 21:57h, 07 August Reply

    Even though you don’t know me – I feel like you do as we feel and have experienced the same pain. Thanks for opening up about this topic as it has changed me as a person – always wondering if my turn will ever come.

  • Meg Rogers
    Posted at 08:46h, 31 August Reply

    This is one of the best ways that I have ever heard it described. Until one has been there, they will never know the feeling. The pain is so real. Thank you for sharing your story. Stories like these help countless others more than you will ever know. Keep the faith.

  • Jessica Desai
    Posted at 16:25h, 21 September Reply

    Really beautifully written. Definitely accurately represents the heartache of infertility. Thank you

  • Jane Wembli
    Posted at 17:02h, 08 March Reply

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  • Winterfall
    Posted at 07:50h, 31 October Reply

    You shot in my soul! But I want to add that infertility is not a verdict. You have a choice whether or not to be a parent, because God helps us through surrogacy and other reproductive technologies. The problem of infertility has always been very acute for me. After the accident as a child, I can’t have children. Therefore, our family considered surrogacy as a way to defeat infertility.
    At the beginning of this year, I became the mother of a beautiful child from a surrogate mother. It happened in Ukraine, in the clinic of Professor Feskov, which is also called the Feskov Human Reproduction Group. So I suggest you look around. There are more and more parents who use surrogacy services. And it’s great that we live at a time when there are clinics that study genetics and reproduction. And doctors who, with God’s help, give us the opportunity to become parents of our child. Trust your heart!

  • V Garner
    Posted at 14:11h, 25 January Reply

    This is a perfect way to describe infertility. You were spot on with all the daily struggles and frustrations from when others have the audacity to comment. Thanks for sharing!

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    Posted at 02:14h, 28 April Reply

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