To the Woman Hurting on Mother’s Day

I feel like I should share on the topic of Mother’s Day, but to be honest this post has completely stumped me. What I really want to do is just re-share last year’s post where I talked about celebrating victory in the middle of pain. It seems as though that is where my heart is again this year. But, a few other thoughts ended up coming to mind, so we will see if I can compile my thoughts and I hope at least a part of it will make sense.

There are so many emotions that come with Mother’s Day. Because I am so involved in the world of infertility it’s easy to get fixated on the build up that leads up to this day (clearly why I am writing a post on the topic). I’ll be honest it’s hard for me to find balance between realizing it’s just another day versus knowing so many women who desire to be moms are hurting. While I want to love and support those who are still waiting, I also deeply desire to celebrate those around me who are moms: my mom, mother-in-law, sister-in-laws, and friends.

It’s easy for me to forget that the spectrum of scenarios that cause pain on Mother’s Day is so much broader than what is always staring me in the face, infertility. The truth is this day affects way more than 1 in 8 people. It’s not just about infertility, but so much more. What about the daughter who is grieving her first Mother’s Day without her mom? What about the wife and mom who is spending her first Mother’s day without her spouse due to loss or divorce? Or maybe it’s the opposite and the husband is missing his bride, the mother of his children? And, the mom who is going through Mother’s day without her firstborn son? This one hits a little closer to home for me because of my sister in law.

It doesn’t all have to be about loss either. Grief can come in many facets and avenues. There are so many estranged families including mothers distanced from their own children. The list goes on and on.

I’ll be honest. I am not really sure what to say to all of this, besides encouraging you that no matter what you are going through you are not alone. There are others, even if they are silent about it, who are also grieving. This hit close to home as this past Sunday at church our pastor asked all of those who were feeling sadness, depression, despair, etc to come forward to the altar. I never got a full look of how many people were up there with me, but from the corner of my eye, I can tell you it was the majority of the congregation. It really opened my eyes to how many in this world need a touch from our Heavenly Father because of difficult circumstances they might be facing.

You  might be someone who wishes Mother’s Day is a day could avoid because you are overwhelmed with grief, sadness, and despair. But, Jesus sees your pain. He knows your tears. He sees and knows your hearts desire and wants to comfort you through it all. He has not forgotten you nor is He surprised by the pain you are facing.

This day doesn’t have to be the worst day of the year for you, unless of course you let it. Trust me, this isn’t how I wanted this day to be. Not empty, yet again for the 5th year in a row. Not like this. Not for me. Not for my sister-in-law. Not for all my friends who are waiting. But, I’m not going to let my unfulfilled desire ruin my day. It won’t prevent me from celebrating others, nor  will it stop me from experiencing the fullness of joy that the Lord has blessed me while waiting to become a mom.

I hope you find the strength from Christ to strive through this Mother’s Day. I hope you know that you are allowed to cry, but it’s also important that you don’t stay filled with tears. God is for you and when He is for you, nothing and no one can be against you, including the pain you might be feeling this Mother’s Day. May His love surround you today and always.

Prior posts on the topic of Mother’s Day: 20132014 • 2015.

Mother's Day
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  • Kristy
    Posted at 06:24h, 06 May Reply

    Agreed. There are so many things we tend to overlook when dealing with infertility. I also shared my heart on this topic on my blog today. I hope you have a great weekend!

  • Rebecca Jo
    Posted at 06:56h, 06 May Reply

    Thank you for this encouragement. All these years & I still LOATHE Mother’s Day… like I seriously hole up – no church – try to stay away from people – its just heart breaking to me. I may go for a walk or run & just spend some time with God on Sunday… Hugs to you my friend!

  • Keri Underwood
    Posted at 08:33h, 06 May Reply

    “He has not forgotten you nor is He surprised by the pain you are feeling.” – So beautiful! Sometimes in our pain and hurt we become ashamed. But the beautiful thing about Christ is He already knows! He knows your pain, He knows your joys, He knows your hearts desire. He is just waiting for us to open up and lean on Him! Thank you for that reminder! While I am blessed to still have my mother, this still spoke to me this morning. Thank you for reminding me that He knows our pain (no matter what it might be) and reminding me to be sensitive to others this weekend as they might be struggling with sadness. Blessings to you Caroline!

  • Jen
    Posted at 08:35h, 06 May Reply

    Wishing you peace through all the difficulties of Mothers’ Day x

  • Sharika Ramseur
    Posted at 08:57h, 06 May Reply

    Thank You………..

  • Susan
    Posted at 09:05h, 06 May Reply

    Beautifully said. I had to go through a lot of infertility with my second child. God loves us & knows your pain. Peace be with you.

  • Carissa Maul
    Posted at 09:09h, 06 May Reply

    I love how you chose to discuss this topic. You’re right there are so many people who can be grieving on Mother’s Day, not just the ones waiting to become a mom. I am blessed with two bonus kids who love me and they’ve always made me feel good on Mother’s Day, even though I had a longing for our own baby. Thank you for sharing this!!

  • Cheryl
    Posted at 09:17h, 06 May Reply

    Beautifully and honestly written, my friend. My heart aches for my niece’s little daughter, who is crying out for her and doesn’t understand. There is so much loss and hurt in this world, and though we need to point others to Jesus, the hurt also needs to be validated, as it is so real, and hearts are so raw and broken. Thank you for being a beacon of hope in the midst of the darkness. I am so sorry you are facing another Mother’s Day like this…may the God of all comfort walk especially close to you, and oh, how I hope things will be different and better and fulfilled by next Mother’s Day!

  • Lily
    Posted at 09:52h, 06 May Reply

    You are so right Caroline, there are SO many people hurting in so many different ways. Last year was rough for me, I had just had a miscarriage and I honestly don’t remember a whole lot due to my sadness.
    This year I’m in a better place, of course I have sad days, but I’m so thankful to have so many beautiful women in my life that are great mothers…especially my mom. I hope you have a great weekend, hugs to you my sweet friend! <3

  • Betsy Herman
    Posted at 10:06h, 06 May Reply

    So grateful for the encouragement you share in these posts. 🙂 I’m not feeling too stressed about Mother’s Day this year, thankfully.

  • lindsay
    Posted at 10:39h, 06 May Reply

    I have a drafted post on this same topic I was planning to share on Mother’s Day…so true, there are so many people hurting on mother’s day for many reasons. it hits closer than ever to home for me this year… it’s a reminder to me that things could be worse, and that honestly, I am blessed in so many ways despite the fact that infertility tends to overshadow those things at time. love this as usual!!! 🙂 thinking of you!

  • Amie
    Posted at 12:25h, 06 May Reply

    Girl you could not have said it any better! Reality is there are so many hurting for so many different reasons. Thank you for writing this and reminding me, it’s not just about me and to look for ways to help others who may be hurting. OX

  • Meredith @ It\'s Positive!
    Posted at 14:09h, 06 May Reply

    “He has not forgotten you nor is He surprised by the pain you are facing.” … Such an important truth!

  • Patricia
    Posted at 14:51h, 06 May Reply

    While you may have struggled with what to share, I am sure that you were led of the Lord. Very encouraging and a beautiful reminder for all those going through any type of challenges during Mother’s Day.. Or anytime. You know that I’m praying for you sweet friend.

  • Tara
    Posted at 18:41h, 06 May Reply

    I hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day, celebrating the woman you are and the mother’s heart you have, even if you are still waiting. You are precious to many!

  • Charlotte
    Posted at 19:58h, 06 May Reply

    Oh, this. Thank you so much, sweet girl, for sharing your heart so openly. I understand. In my own way, I ache, too–it always helps to know we are not alone <3

    Thank you.

  • Kassi
    Posted at 00:42h, 07 May Reply

    So compassionate of you to think of ALL those hurting this weekend for whatever reason. Thanks for having a good heart!!!

  • Angie Scheie
    Posted at 03:13h, 07 May Reply

    I loved this so much! I was thinking upon this very thing; how it can be a source of pain to many (not just infertility, which is my struggle). You captured it beautifully. Lifting us all up in prayer that we choose joy this weekend!

  • Helen
    Posted at 08:11h, 07 May Reply

    oh a lovely and heartwarming post – we should take care not to let a single day ruin us. Thank you for this, it’s important to remember each other when life is different to how we hoped or imagined.

  • Jennifer DeFrates/Heaven Not Harvard
    Posted at 08:25h, 07 May Reply

    Strength and comfort in Christ is for sure the best answer when we face tough challenges and rough days.

  • Pamela
    Posted at 09:11h, 07 May Reply

    So many who are despairing for a multitude of reasons — even mothers who have prodigal children and feel like a failure. What a blessed post — I’m praying it will speak to the hurting hearts.

  • Holly
    Posted at 15:56h, 07 May Reply

    Last year I went to my parent’s church on Mother’s Day and the pastor actually addressed that today may be a sad, painful, lonely day for many women and to remember them too. I made a point to thank him after.

  • Marie Wikle
    Posted at 17:53h, 07 May Reply

    many are sad because they miss their mom and this is their first mothers day without them, others are sad because they desire to be a mom. it’s ok to not be ok. healing comes differently for everyone

  • Tedi @ Running with Infertility
    Posted at 19:00h, 07 May Reply

    Thank you for your encouraging words. This year I feel much better and want to go to church. I think it has a lot to do with knowing that our church meeting tomorrow won’t be about moms – but talking on faith. I have to remember that single sisters also struggle just as much as we infertiles do. They long to be a wife and a mother and surprising they are ones that I relate to the most with.

  • Amanda
    Posted at 19:19h, 07 May Reply

    Very beautifully written, Caroline!

  • Inez
    Posted at 02:45h, 08 May Reply

    I think you bring great perspective to the fact that there are many women (and men!) that have a hard time with Mother’s Day for many different reasons. This is such a great and needed post!

  • Dia
    Posted at 21:50h, 08 May Reply

    I hope today anyone suffering found the strength today, not just the people dealing with infertility but also those who no longer have their mothers.

  • Justine Y @ Little Dove
    Posted at 10:53h, 09 May Reply

    You always say things so beautifully Caroline. So true that He already knows our pain because He has already felt it all!
    There is a talk that I just love called “Are We Not All Mothers?” that I think you would like.–>
    I wholeheartedly believe that motherhood is a divine roll given to all women, and that it doesn’t just refer to one who bears children.

  • Gwen
    Posted at 20:38h, 11 May Reply

    I was dreading this made up holiday. My husband really shouldn’t drive a bit over 200 miles –he had a stroke during a neck surgery that left him half blind in each eye…over a year of therapy and special glasses and he’d driven for ten days…my injury, I’m not normal…I don’t know if I’ll be scolded by my girls…I did not want to do any of this made up holiday at all…I cried deep tears ( what’s new part of injury) but we went and it was a lovely fun time. Today you spoke of fear but GOD has it. He does. I cry but it doesn’t last forever. I miss my mom. I rarely see her and it’s different now with her vision failed and hearing so hard….I guess it’s a day that does open wounds. My sister and Dad have died so there’s loss. But little boys run around and that’s fun. To everything there is a season. Giggle. My prom theme…little did we know how true this is.

  • Gwen
    Posted at 20:47h, 11 May Reply

    Oh! I used to love Mother’s Day as a kid for our church had a mother daughter salad supper. Mom had four girls so every year a widowed lady friend in her 70’s who’d never had children would call up and “borrow me”. We giggled and laughed. She’d pick me up to go places with her and say to a preteen, Shall we drive down MAIN STREET?!! I was so excited. I see her face full of smiles. Now she lived in the Great Depression and had no children and was widowed so she had hardships of life…but her joy was not trivial giddiness. What a lovely Christian. Now isn’t that a wonderful testimony to all of us–a mom or not?? To rely on the Lord. To find pleasure in simple things. She made me feel special. I don’t remember her giving me a present. Maybe a hankie?? Ahhh Florence Holm. ? She gave. Gave. Gave. Love.

  • Danielle Wells
    Posted at 22:53h, 11 May Reply

    Mother’s Day can be such a painful day for some! I’m thankful that God is strong enough to help me through!

  • Jed
    Posted at 07:20h, 13 May Reply

    Thank you for the reminder to treat people with care, especially on Mother’s Day. Your are right. We often don’t realize what other’s are going through, or how much they are hurting.

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