20 Mar 1 Year Heavenversary

It is amazing how fast a year can go by and yet things feel as though they just happened yesterday. Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of our sweet little nephew going to be with Jesus. 

It’s so easy to be overshadowed with grief and loss this month. March 6^th marked one year since we found out that Kai had brain cancer and it was just two short weeks later on March 21st he passed away. It’s crazy what anniversary or dates can do to you. While most of the time it seems we are celebrating something positive like a wedding anniversary, birthday, etc, the ones dealing with loss are REALLY hard. Nothing is different tomorrow, on the one year anniversary, than it was yesterday besides the memory of our loss last year. It’s awful how much a hard anniversary can effect someone. The tears have been flowing as I remember how it all happened, and especially how fast. I’ve spent hours looking at pictures and videos and am always thinking of our sweet little nephew.

It seems like the only thing to do on a day or month like this is to lay in bed and cry. How can I miss someone so much who wasn’t even my son? I fell in love with Kai immediately and in fact, Colby would often tease me that I loved Kai more than him. Sometimes I wonder if the love I have for Kai (and other nieces and nephews) is so strong because we don’t have kids of our own yet. I don’t know if that is true, but it’s crazy to me that I could love them SO much.

Throughout the past year, we have had two choices. I have talked about these choices several times already, because they stand for any circumstance you face, but it comes down to choosing to make the most of the situation and having a positive attitude or letting the darkness prevail. Tomorrow, we will choose LIFE! We will celebrate the life that Kai had when he was here. And, even though it’s hard to imagine, we will also celebrate the better life he is having now. I mean when it comes down to it, he is in the place where we ultimately all want to be! Heaven. There is no abortion, acne, anger, cancer, car wrecks, divorce, earthquakes, headaches, heartaches, infertility, jealousy, miscarriages, pain, prostitution, rape, seizures, starvation, strokes, stomachaches, tears, tornadoes, war. No more pain. I don’t know about you, but it’s pretty amazing to think about and a little overwhelming too.

We will always, always, always miss and think about Kai. He continues to be brought up in conversation constantly. I love looking at pictures of him. And, while life will never, ever be the same without him I’m thankful for all the good memories we had with him. We miss you and love you so much Kai! Love wins. ♥