I Have Bad Days Too

Lately I have realized how uncomfortable it makes other people when they ask “How are you doing” and I respond with a response like “not good”. Most of us probably expect when we ask or answer that question, the only response will be “I am fine” or “I am good”.

What does it look like if we are a little more honest and vulnerable with others? The reality is, even though the Lord has provided us with a tremendous amount of strength and joy on this journey, so much so that I can’t even explain it, I have bad days too.

I’m human. Life is hard. The past year has been extremely hard. Is the Lord faithful even in the hard days? Absolutely! But, does that mean I can’t lament and cry out to the Lord? Of course I can!

I often get emails or questions from other bloggers and friends asking, How do you do it – How do you host baby showers? How do you keep friends with other mothers? How do you surround yourself with other children? Well, again! The Lord – The joy of the Lord is my strength.

But, there are days that seems really hard. Often those days come when I’m reminded not only is it another month without pregnancy, but I get welcomed with the cramps and emotions that come with it. I have days where I’m weary. I have days where I’m tired. I have days where I want to throw my hands up in the air and quit.

For those who haven’t met me in person, I don’t ever want to put on this facade that I am some perfect person. I’m anything but that. I have talked briefly about this before. But, even though I make the daily choice to have a positive attitude, to consider it pure joy for our trials, and to make the most of this journey – I sometimes need to lament and cry and that is ok.

I feel like I have to write this post because I choose not to use the blog or my social media accounts to complain or vent. My hope for posting on here, instagram, facebook, etc is to encourage others. Please know that just because we are taking the natural route to expanding our family doesn’t mean that all of a sudden that route makes waiting really easy, because it doesn’t.

It’s ok to have bad days, but it is what we do with our attitude on those bad days that matters – are you going to let it ruin you or will you rise above and continue to seek Christ and allow the situation to refine you to look more like him? I have bad days too, but I don’t let those bad days or the enemy keep me down. While it might take me a few days to snap out of it, I choose to keep believing and seeking Christ despite what is going on around me. The Lord wants us to lament to Him. Don’t hold back.

I have to constantly remind myself of Galatians 6:9 and the whole reason I picked the title of this blog:

So let’s not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don’t give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith.”

I have Bad Days Too

  • Beka
    Posted at 06:30h, 27 February Reply

    Caroline, thanks for being honest and sharing about the good and bad.

    I agree it can be awkward when we tell someone we aren’t doing ok or when someone tells us that they aren’t ok. I do think that moment is a good opportunity to be the body and listen, give a huge or do whatever we can at that time.

    David cried his lament to the Lord and God listened. Jesus also cried in the garden of Gethsemane and God listened to Him as well. So I think God wants us to pour out our complains to Him.

  • Rebecca Jo
    Posted at 08:39h, 27 February Reply

    We all have them… & I appreciate when people are honest about them… what I don’t appreciate is when that’s all people want to focus on on social media. So frustrating… it goes back to attitude – that’s for sure.

  • Kelli {A Deeper Joy}
    Posted at 08:58h, 27 February Reply

    Such a good, honest post, Caroline. You are such an encouraging woman and I admire your heart – you are always positive and full of hope. It’s also a good reminder that I’m not a bad person for having bad days. I don’t always handle them with as much grace as you, but I find encouragement from you and strive to be as full of joy.

  • Amie
    Posted at 09:53h, 27 February Reply

    I think it’s very true when we ask someone how they are doing that we expect them to say “good”. We should definitely tell the truth when it’s not great or when we need prayers say that. On the flip side if someone responds that way to us we should take the extra time to listen to what is going on in their life. I too often get in the routine of just saying “fine” but this is a great reminder to really stop and listen 🙂

  • Tiffany @ A Touch of Grace
    Posted at 10:24h, 27 February Reply

    Such a great point Caroline! That’s really a great way to look at bad days. I think people get so down when things aren’t going right but we have to overcome those negative feelings and try to make the best of it.
    Have a great weekend!

  • Evangeline
    Posted at 10:37h, 27 February Reply

    I’m so glad you’ve chosen to not stay STUCK in the emotions of the bad days. When our focus remains on Jesus’ love for us, it’s sooo much easier to come out of the bad days and begin again with a good day, having a hope-filled focus. Praying that you’ll have many more good days than bad!

  • Morgan
    Posted at 11:28h, 27 February Reply

    I was just listening to Steven Furtick’s series called MoodSwingers and how it’s ok to have all our feelings, in fact many times our emotions can indicate a lot of things to us, BUT we don’t want to get stuck inside our emotions and let them dictate how we move and work for the kingdom. I think you are on the right track and I am super encouraged that you wrote about it. Sometimes it can feel lonely when you *think* no one else has bad days too.. HUGS, love you friend!

    Posted at 11:47h, 27 February Reply

    Oh this is so good! I loved this: “I make the daily choice to have a positive attitude, to consider it pure joy for our trials, and to make the most of this journey – I sometimes need to lament and cry and that is ok.” Thanks for being honest and real with your emotions, but also making that active choice not to let yourself get stuck there. I agree with someone above that Moodswingers has been a great series for me to listen to! Sending you hugs!

  • Kelly @ Southern Komfort Blog
    Posted at 12:07h, 27 February Reply

    I love this so much!! I love that despite the frustrations in your life, you CHOOSE to live positively. A lot of times, my positivity in hard situations really frustrates some people and they just don’t understand it. Of course I cry out in anger when it has been one of those days. But by staying positive, I feel like I’m trusting God more. Happy Friday!

  • Alexis
    Posted at 12:14h, 27 February Reply

    Amen to all of this! Instagram and blogs can make it seem like we have it all together all the time mostly because who wants to show off when they feel sad or angry or crappy? Thanks for being so open and vulnerable. This IS a hard journey and there are days when it just plain sucks! It totally feels like a double blow when the month comes not just with no pregnancy but also with hormones and cramps and other unpleasantries. Just like you said, I have to choose joy on those days, to praise God that He’s working even when I can’t see it and to pray for the strength to keep believing. Love you girl! This is our year!

  • Ashley
    Posted at 12:39h, 27 February Reply

    Truth was spoken here! I get asked how are you very often and recently I respond with “I am ok”. Seems to take some back. Reality is I serve a loving God, he has been good to us but 2014 was by far the best and worst year. I lost my 34 week blessing Will, I almost died, we heard hard news 2 weeks later. By gods grace I get up everyday. Somedays are just hard. We have hope but I still break often! You encourage me!! Hugs to you!

  • Elisha
    Posted at 13:18h, 27 February Reply

    Thank you for being so open and honest with your bad days. While I know we don’t want to complain or use our blogs/instagram/facebook as a place to do so, sometimes it’s good to let others know that we have bad days too. However its just as important to also share how we pull ourselves out. Thanks for sharing from your heart sugars! xo

  • Amanda
    Posted at 17:20h, 27 February Reply

    Thankful your honesty and vulnerability. I know you want this space to be encouraging and uplifting, but I think it’s so great for people to see that you’re human and infertility is hard, no matter what path you’re on… we all have bad days. Hugs.

  • Elena Ridley
    Posted at 18:17h, 27 February Reply

    Love this! I can totally relate! People often ask me how I stay positive or how I dealt with my best friend being pregnant, throwing the baby showers, dealing w/ failed cycles, etc. Like you said, you blog to encourage, it’s not all rainbows and sunshine though, in fact a lot of the time it’s the complete opposite of that. We really all do have bad days as cheerful and as positive as we may seem all the time, it isn’t always that way! Hope you have a wonderful weekend! XO! Thanks for sharing!

  • Lisa
    Posted at 18:44h, 27 February Reply

    Amen! As much as we have to immerse ourselves in the Word and choose joy, there are also times (sometimes A LOT of times) where we need to grieve and cry. God invites us to give Him our tears.

  • Cheryl Smith
    Posted at 21:52h, 27 February Reply

    I think it is the being human, transparent, and REAL that really connects people. It is being relatable and allowing each other to see our vulnerabilities that makes us more approachable and more credible. All of us hurt. We all cry. We all feel. And that is okay. Bless your heart, you have had way more than your share of grief and heartache, and even though is it not evident now, it is “working for you a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory”. 2 Corinthians 4:17 In the process, you are blessing so many, including me. Big hugs to you, sweet friend. 🙂

  • Melissa
    Posted at 07:27h, 28 February Reply

    Love this post. Beautifully written! I love the honesty. While i don’t like posts that are just to complain, i love the honest ones that admit it is okay to cry or be sad. I choose joy, but there are days that i can’t do baby showers and that is okay. My fertile friends and i are still close as they are very supportive and as understanding as they can be without having gone through it, so that helps! Also, i have to say… going about getting pregnant the natural way instead of through treatments is just as hard. We have done both in our 4 year journey (times of pursuing treatment and long stretches of trying naturally only) & both are very difficult! Hang in there! xoxo

  • Nelly
    Posted at 11:51h, 28 February Reply

    Great post! I think it is important for us to be honest when asked, “how are you doing?” The thing is I am not sure people really want to know or are really prepared to hear the truth of how we are doing/ what it is really like for us. It’s just kind of something we ask in passing sometimes. Answering honestly can shock people and leave them at a loss for words but you know what??? I think it’s better than saying, “fine,” “good,” etc. especially when that may not be the case at the moment. Being open and honest is a beautiful thing.

  • Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom
    Posted at 22:08h, 28 February Reply

    Beautiful my friend.

    I rarely say anything less than positive on social media… so I often wonder if people think I put on a facade. I do share honest glimpses of my struggles on my blog but for the most part, I seek to be a shining light reflecting the glory of our Lord.

    Bless you for sharing and for being so honest. We all have those not-so-good days. Praise God that we have a loving Father who can carry us through them.

  • becky
    Posted at 10:11h, 01 March Reply

    Such a great post Caroline! I think it’s equally ministering to others to share when we’re discouraged and having a bad day as it is when we share about the hope we have. I think it makes people feel like they can relate to our journeys.

    By God’s grace, I’m a naturally joyful/happy/optimistic person and while it’s tempting to just always put that side of myself forward in my interactions with people, I’m learning that it is MUCH more authentic to share my struggles and days where I feel disheartened. It makes my journey more real to people, not like I’m just this happy robot who smiles and says “my hope is in the Lord! Yay!” They get to see the real side of me and watch me wrestle through things with the evidence of God’s love and faithfulness always bubbling to the surface. It’s a fine line we walk between being authentic in our struggles and also showing the hope we have in Christ and making a conscious effort to choose joy and trust Him.

  • Jessah
    Posted at 12:13h, 01 March Reply

    I’ve noticed that too. People would prefer you just say “fine” even when you’re not doing fine. It’s like they really don’t want to know the truth about how you’re doing. Everyone has bad days but you’re right…it’s what you do with those that counts.

  • Rachel
    Posted at 16:02h, 01 March Reply

    Caroline thank you for sharing this. I agree that it makes people uncomfortable. I am one of the ones who automatically responses that I’m good, even when it’s clear that I’m not. I don’t verbalize my struggles anywhere but in prayer, with my husband and on my blog. I think you’re right that it’s important to be more honest when asked a question like that because it’s real. Everyone has good days, and bad days, and the only thing that comes from hiding the bad days is the perpetuation of the idea that bad days make us weak. Thank you for sharing this post – you’re always such an inspiration – on good days and bad days.

  • Suzanne
    Posted at 08:51h, 02 March Reply

    I’m pretty sure for 4 years straight my answer to that question was “fine”. Even when people knew otherwise, they never pushed for more because they didn’t know what to say. Just because we push forward and try in every way to be “fine”, does’t mean there are days that our heart just aches for our dreams to come true. I’ve been a bad blogger lately and I’m so sorry!! I hope you know how much I think of you and pray for you that your miracle is coming. Love you!

  • Rachel
    Posted at 11:11h, 02 March Reply

    Thanks for this post Caroline,
    It’s so easy to respond in automatic mode “fine thanks” when someone asks how we are. I often think that it’s not an easy question to answer truthfully anyway. I might be ok according to the depth of relationship and sharing that I have with that person. The thing is, when it’s close friends, then I need to be giving an open authentic answer to how I am. I also try to make sure that I REALLY mean it when I ask people how they are. Joy and happiness are not the same. I’ve discovered that I can grieve and have moments of sadness but still retain joy. So grateful for that.

  • Erin
    Posted at 21:28h, 02 March Reply

    Thank you for your honesty and openness. God is our strength, but sometimes we just need to cry into His arms. I think your blog is such a blessing, I shared it over here: http://joleneunderwood.com/2015/03/01/blogitforward-march-2015-bless-a-blogger-month/

  • Laura @ Making Baby Provence
    Posted at 15:00h, 03 March Reply

    I hope you know that you can contact me anytime you would like to be able to honestly say, “I’m having a bad day.” That will never scare me away. I know how that feels. I like that I feel that I can be honest with you on my bad days, too.

    Also, I think that waiting for a natural pregnancy is harder than going through treatments. I’m not trying to compare, but I feel like I can say that since I choose treatments. At least I know a timing on when things will happen or not happen for me. The obvious truth is that none of this is easy for any of us. However, I think that you are one of the strongest women I have ever met.

    I love that you were so honest in this post. I commend you. I’m sending you a big, fat virtual hug right now. *Hugs*

  • Maria
    Posted at 12:50h, 05 March Reply

    I admire your honesty in sharing this. I agree that there struggles are prevalent in any life, and your attitude and perspective just shows your insurmountable strength. Thank you for reminding despite the bad days, there’s always good in everything.

  • Rhonda
    Posted at 20:36h, 06 March Reply

    Good post. I had a teacher in high school that told us when we asked others “how are you?” to ask it genuinely and truly listen to their answer (instead of “hey, how’s it goin” and hurrying along) as well as to give honest replies to that question. It’s one of the (few things from high school!) that I thankfully haven’t forgotten.

  • Cindy Hasko
    Posted at 05:59h, 08 March Reply

    I think that if anyone said they never had bad days, bad moods, zits, crazy emotions, bad hair days, bloated days, sadness or anything like that, is a liar. We are human and God understands. He made us human and He made us to NEED Him. There are good days, there are bad days, there are days when you make coffee and it comes out JUST right, there are other days when you accidentally spill it all over your cute white pants or the floor… things happen and/or don’t happen the ways we want, but it’s all on how we respond to the outcome = IN GOD’S ARMS, trusting His every season. I know that I cannot live without His grace and mercy, as I fall into His arms. Whether it’s through tears or big smile praises,… He’s got us! And your right, it’s okay! 🙂

  • Finley
    Posted at 07:22h, 09 March Reply

    yes siree this is wonderful! Its exactly that. Finding God in the bad days and turning to Him. Its always hard, life is hard and infertility is hard – but turning to God should be easy. I know thats what I am CONSTANTLY striving for – even when it is crazy hard…as long as I continually turn back to Jesus I end up being okay 🙂

  • Tanya @ the sky and back
    Posted at 10:48h, 09 March Reply

    Thanks for being open an honest about this. You are absolutely right that every human has bad days and hard feelings, and it’s so important to deal with those feelings as they come. Swaying too far in one direct or the other — either bottling them up or letting yourself drown in them — is where the trouble really starts to happen. Know that you have my support during your bad days, even if you’re not posting about them. Xo.

  • Annie @ Annie's Noms
    Posted at 11:28h, 05 May Reply

    I can completely relate to this. I try and keep my social media accounts positive too, but I don’t want to put out this persona of some perfect person sitting up in my ivory tower where absolutely everything is perfect because that’s not real and it’s not me. We are human at the end of the day! Life is such a roller coaster, sometimes, especially as blogger’s, I find it therapeutic to just write and let everything flow into one post on my blog. There are good days and bad, I think it’s great that you’ve opened up and been so honest! 🙂

  • Jessica
    Posted at 12:03h, 05 May Reply

    I appreciate bloggers who choose to be honest and open about their real lives, if they choose to. It helps me feel like I’m a little more normal and not feel so pressured to keep a perfectly staged online life. Thanks for sharing!

  • Roxanne
    Posted at 09:01h, 09 July Reply

    My very best friend has been struggling with infertility for several years and walking through the pain has been an honorable experience for me. It hurts to watch our loved ones struggle – but women need to be more open about this issue. Kudos to you, and prayers for your womb.

  • Cindy @MomMaven
    Posted at 09:47h, 09 July Reply

    I love your honesty. I am very honest when people ask how I am doing. I am thankful that my church family are “real” people without a lot of masks on. They have helped me drop the masks I have worn for years.

  • Susan Gay Jeffries
    Posted at 09:51h, 09 July Reply

    Thank you for being real and allowing others to be the hands and feet of Jesus to comfort you. I am a pastor’s wife and I am not ever expected to have bad days so in a very small way I can relate.

  • Marie
    Posted at 10:02h, 09 July Reply

    It’s ok not to be ok. We need more real people.

    thanks for sharing your weakness and giving others strength to do the same

  • Cathy
    Posted at 10:34h, 09 July Reply

    Love this and how true these words are! Love the quote and how you said that its ok to have bad days.

  • Mary Collins
    Posted at 14:10h, 09 July Reply

    I appreciate your transparency, as I am sure others do as well. When we are going through trials, whatever it may be, we have to stand on our faith and trust our Father. I believe you are doing that. He will bring you through.

  • Brandi @ penguinsinpink.com
    Posted at 16:35h, 09 July Reply

    Yes! We all have bad days. We all have tough times. Thank you for keeping it real and showing others that while you have bad days God is always there to help you. Praying for you.

  • Marissa
    Posted at 16:41h, 09 July Reply

    Very well said. Bad days are part of life on this earth, and we are all yearning for Better. That is part of being created in His image…. And yes, it’s all about our attitude while we travel through the bad and challenging. He gives us the strength we need to have a joyful heart even in the muck.


  • Andi
    Posted at 18:19h, 09 July Reply

    i think all of us have bad days – but how we handle them….

  • Kori
    Posted at 21:51h, 09 July Reply

    I think it’s absolutely important to acknowledge when we have bad days. We can’t always expect for every day to be perfect or to be good. But we can look for the good in every day.

  • Chari
    Posted at 23:25h, 09 July Reply

    Another great post! We all have bad days sometimes.

  • Melissa Garman
    Posted at 23:43h, 09 July Reply

    You’re truly an inspiration. The joy of the Lord is what holds us together and keeps us sane a lot of the times. I appreciate and admire your authenticity. I’m praying for you sister!

  • Melanie
    Posted at 04:24h, 10 July Reply

    Thanks you for this. My usual response is almost always, “I’m fine” – unless the person asking is very close to me and I’m comfortable being open with them.

  • Emerald
    Posted at 09:51h, 10 July Reply

    This is very relatable. I am usually the person who knows how to start picking up the pieces when people are donw, but when I say I am not doing good they seem to have a loss for words.

  • Sarah Jane
    Posted at 10:16h, 10 July Reply

    Very true! Sometimes it’s easier to say “I’m fine” or “I’m good” because I don’t want to be vulnerable.

  • marisa
    Posted at 21:16h, 31 August Reply

    Today was a bad day for me. I don’t know how I stumbled across your site, but I did and your words speak to me. We all have bad days. it is okay to lament. Thank you 🙂

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