The Best Thing to Say to Someone Going Through Infertility
Several months back I attended a women’s conference where the keynote speaker addressed the worst thing to say to someone going through infertility. Being that this conference was for women of all ages and stages, I was immediately drawn in when she honed in on a topic that I could so relate to.
But she headed in a much different direction with her message. In fact, what she shared left me shocked and grieved.
Simply stated, she went on to say that telling someone they will one day be a mom is the worst thing to say to someone going through infertility. I could feel the righteous anger rise up inside of me for God’s daughters who were hearing these words.
I have been thinking about the words she shared ever since. I can’t help but think how my answer to the best thing you could say to a woman going through infertility, and hers, vary greatly.
I want to first point out that there is a big difference between the message of this world and the message of the Kingdom. In most ways the message of the world and the Bible are in fact, the exact opposite.
For instance, this world sends a message to “hustle hustle hustle” but when we look at scripture we find out we actually need to operate from a place of rest. My friend Jessica touches on this topic here.
The world says to not have hope, but you know what scripture tells us to do? Get our hopes up!
The world says to chase after fame and riches, but scripture? It tells us to deny ourselves and run after God.
And when it comes to infertility? That speaker was correct. The world says the worst thing you can say to someone is you will be a mom. But, you know what I think is one of the best things you can say to someone going through infertility?
One day you will be a mom.
I realize this might shock most, but for those who are in Christ, this should be exactly what you want to hear. We aren’t like the world which means the advice we give and receive should look the exact opposite of this world.
How can we be so confident of this truth? Because of what scripture tells us. Infertility is weaved all throughout the Bible and what we find is it’s the Father’s original intent to be fruitful and multiply. If you read the scriptures, you will also find that every barren woman went on to have children.
Not only that, but let me remind you that sickness is not from God and Jesus paid too high of a price for us not to receive our inheritance of healing, which includes babies.
If we don’t believe it’s God’s desire and will for women to have babies it’s because we haven’t yet understood His heart as a good dad. We have missed out on His true character and nature which is revealed all throughout scripture, especially when we look at the sacrifice of his son.
Which is why my heart grieves at the message the world sends because we as Christians are missing it. We are missing what it means to live on earth as it is in heaven. We are missing the benefit we have been given of tapping into the glorious riches of the Kingdom. We are missing out on what it means to live in hope.
And you know what? This isn’t just about infertility. It’s about any dead situation. The best thing we can do is speak opposite of our dead-looking circumstances. If you are facing a cancer diagnosis the best thing you can do is speak words of healing over your situation! If you are facing anxiety and fear, the best thing you can do is declare God’s peace and love over your situation!
We have to realize that our words have power and we can either make agreements with life or we can make agreements with death. Which means the best thing you can say to someone going through infertility is one day you will be a mom.
We have been given the authority to speak to the physical creation around us, which includes our wombs. When we do the physical creation has to respond (Matthew 21:21-22)! If you don’t believe your words have power I encourage you to read Genesis 1 on how the world was spoken into existence by God. God opened his mouth and the world was created. Which means when your situation is dead, you need to open your mouth and speak to it. We get to call things forth with the very words we speak (Romans 4:17).
Let’s not forget that we as Christians are to look different than this world. We have been given the privilege to take God at His Word and expect that He will fulfill every promise He makes (Romans 4:18, Proverbs 30:5). Which means if you are someone going through infertility then you need to start calling forth fruitfulness and fertileness and using authority to call forth life to your womb. And if you are going through a different difficult situation?
It’s time to get your hopes up and trust in what is still unseen. It’s time to fully realize the heart of the Father and not settle for anything less than His plans coming to pass. It’s time to start speaking life, even when it’s the exact opposite of what your physical eyes see. It’s time to stand on His promises because our confidence is in His faithfulness. The world might not be sending this message, but it’s the heart of the Father and it’s up to you to realize it!
If you are someone going through infertility, I want to encourage you to Moms in the Making, where we too believe that you will one day be a mom!
PS. I realize there are many other good and bad things that can be said to those who are going through infertility. The list could go forever. The purpose of this post wasn’t to touch on everything that should or should not be said. It was simply to point out the hope we should carry while waiting on God’s promises to come true.